Once More With Feeling
by RTS16
Summary: Elsa comes home, hoping for a second chance, but things aren't as easy as she hopes. [Elsanna] [g!p Anna]
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Frozen.

* * *

 **Prologue**

The woman cut a stunning figure as she moved gracefully across the floor, exchanging pleasantries right and left. White blonde hair shone in the fairy lights, a slender figure, delicate features. The frosty blue dinner gown clung in all the right places, leaving her pale shoulders bare. Little earrings sparkled as she turned her head to yet another warm greeting, as did the simple treble clef necklace hanging at her throat.

It was the thirtieth anniversary party for Kai and Gerda Anderson. The caterer had done a splendid job, forgoing the traditional idea of a formal sit-down event, setting up food stations instead throughout the house and the patio. Lights had been strung up, adding to the soft glow coming from little candles in golden holders. Some of the neighborhood teens had been hired as waiters and waitresses, instructed to go around the house with food trays, circling every twenty minutes. The food was terrific, and the house was already jammed to the seams with people.

The town of River's End had a population of two thousand seven hundred and fifty – fifty-one, counting the brand new Forrest baby born the day before – and it seemed that more than half of that population had turned up to celebrate the event.

Half of that population, plus Elsa Arendelle.

Gerda was in a soft green cocktail dress, glittering with silver beads, looking radiant and happy surrounded by a horde of people congratulating her on the event, the food, the decorations. Kai was in a suit, looking flushed and just the right amount of uncomfortable that had Elsa moving toward him instinctively, coming to a stop only when the man saw her.

She had been nervous, to have shown up uninvited, to have come back at all. There were so many reasons for kind Kai and Gerda to want to throw her out of the house, out of the town. Her nerves jumped, but the warm, twinkling smile she remembered so well from her childhood was already spreading across Kai's face, and she felt arms close around her, lifting her feet from the ground. She laughed, swallowing the sudden tears that came to her eyes as Kai twirled her once, twice, before setting her down.

"I'm gonna have to put you down now, this was so much easier when you were littler." He said, and the warmth in his voice made her want to cling, to bury her face into a sturdy shoulder. He smiled, "Hello, little Elsa."

"Hello Dr Kai. Look at you." She said, affection bubbling in her chest. Unable to resist, she reached out to straighten his tie.

"Made me buy a new suit." He grumbled good-naturedly.

"You look very handsome in it."

"And look at you, Little Elsa. All grown up and looking fabulous." Gerda was suddenly by her side, drawing her into a hug. "I didn't see you come in."

"I… I came with Mum and Dad. Gerda, you look beautiful." The easy acceptance of the older woman as arms held her close made her want to weep. Did they not hate her? For what she had done, for the heartache she had caused. She had agonized over coming here, ever since she had heard such a party was to be held. In the end, longing for the kind couple had won over, and she had crossed the hedge and the small yard separating her parents' house from the Andersons' with her hands shaking and her heart quivering.

And here she was, with an apology so many years too late burning in her chest, and it was as though nothing had changed, as though the past seven years had never happened. She had come, fully expecting to see them as dragons at the gate protecting their princess, and the welcome she received instead had thrown her off balance.

"How have you been, Little Elsa?" Gerda smiled up at her, genuinely interested. The old pet name made her want to curl up in the woman's arms, brought to mind rainy weekends spent on the Andersons' couch with a mug of foamy hot chocolate with marshmallows.

"I've… I've been good, Gerda. I was hoping… I was thinking… can I see," her tongue felt swollen, and it was so hard to get the words out. "I was hoping to see Anna, actually, if… if that is okay."

And she heard the sound of heels on wood. It could have been anyone, but somehow she knew. She turned, just in time to see her as she exited the patio doors. And Elsa's breath simply whooshed out of her. The princess had become the queen, was all she could think of.

Anna Anderson, only child of Gerda and Kai Anderson. She had always been the most beautiful thing Elsa had ever seen, and her transition from girl into woman only intensified that beauty. Strawberry blond hair pulled into a bun, intense blue eyes framed by long lashes, a face of rose and cream. The freckles were not as pronounced as they had been in Anna's childhood, but they were still there, a light dusting of them across her nose and cheeks, enticing when they should have marred.

They stood, looking at each other. The eyes were cool, Elsa saw with rising apprehension in her heart. And when Anna smiled, that too, was cool. The gown she wore simmered around her as she walked slowly toward Elsa. And when she spoke, her voice was cool, too.

"Hello. It's Elsa, isn't it? Welcome back."

"Anna." The name was a reverent whisper, longing warred with guilt, blending with the confusion and mounting terror at the cold, detached greeting. "I… you look beautiful."

"As do you. It's good to see you." And her gaze slipped from Elsa's face, and just like that, Elsa was casually and easily dismissed. "Mom, Dad. Rapunzel wants you both inside to cut the cake. She says she has put herself out for this cake, and wants everyone to have the chance to taste it before they get too drunk to appreciate it." She chuckled then, and the sound of it cut Elsa straight to the heart.

She had expected tears, rages, maybe even the throwing of cutlery. Every one of those would have been better than this cool detachment.

"Oh, you're welcome to come too, of course. Come in and have some cake." Anna nodded at her, and led her parents away, dismissing Elsa as though she was a mere acquaintance; as though they had never been the best of friends for the majority of their lives.

As though they had never been so desperately in love with each other.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to those who have favourited or reviewed.

* * *

 **Chapter One**

Anna was eleven years old when the Arendelles came to live next door.

In a town this size, the arrival of new people was of great importance. Everyone heard about the new arrivals months before they arrived. The house next door underwent extensive renovation, with workers swarming all over the place every day. At times it would be terribly noisy, with all the drilling and banging going on, but Anna's family took it all in stride. Anna's father met Adgar Arendelle himself when the man came over to look at the house, and declared the man as a down-to-Earth, amicable person. Kai Anderson was surprised; he had thought the founder of the prestigious Arendelle Corp would be a hard man. Why was the top man of such a huge company be coming to live in a small town like theirs anyway?

Anna's main concern was – would there be kids? On her other side were the Bjordmans; Kristoff was her age and her best friend. She had friends all over the neighborhood - Flynn, the younger Westergaard brothers, Merida and Ralph; but it was always good to meet new ones. She would have so much to show a new friend! The best fishing spots along the lake. The swallow cove in which the gang had gone skinny dipping just that summer. There was the tree house her father had built for them in her backyard. Oh there was so much to share!

It was winter when the moving vans turned up the Arendelles' new driveway. Anna, who was engaged in a furious snowball fight with Kristoff and Merida, was immediately distracted and paid dearly for her moment of inattention when Merida grabbed her by her jacket and shoved a fistful of snow down the back of her shirt.

Anna screeched like a banshee and picked up the shovel she was supposed to be using to clear the driveway, heaved up a shovelful of snow and flipped it in Merida's direction. The other girl ducked, and the snow splattered all over the front of the dainty little girl who had just climbed out of the Arendelles' family car.

Such was the first impression Anna had of Elsa Arendelle. Really pretty with white blond hair, large terrified eyes, so pale that she could have rivaled the color of the snow slushing down her front.

"C'mon Blondie! Anna 'ere just invited you to a snowball fight!" Merida called out, grinning. Anna elbowed her to get her to shut up.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to throw that snow. Well I did mean it, but I meant it for Merida here! Not you!" the emergence of an elegantly clad lady from the same car shut her up. The lady could only be the girl's mother, they looked so much alike. The man who got out from the other side must be the father. The grownups were frowning, and Anna wanted the ground to swallow her for making such an awful impression on her new neighbors. Great! Now they might not let her play with Blondie at all!

"You must be the Arendelles!" Merida, forever the Fearless, grinned toothily at them. "I'm Merida Dunbroch, from two houses down. This 'ere is Kristoff, Anna's other neighbor. Please to meet you!"

The Arendelles didn't seem pleased to meet them, the grownups were still frowning, but it was the girl's reaction that really confused Anna. The blond girl backed a step, and another until her back was against the car. The man reached out to her. "Elsa…"

With a gasp the girl called Elsa turned and fled into the house. On cue, it started snowing again. In the sudden cold, all Anna could think of was – _so much for making a new friend._

Gerda, being Gerda, went over to welcome the new neighbors with a big batch of cookies. Anna, who normally would have jumped at the chance of visiting new people, stayed nervously in the house to wait for her mother's return. A shovelful of snow should have meant simply an invitation to a snowball fight and a fierce desire to win that fight, not causing that terror on the girl's face, not scaring her into running.

What had Anna done?

She face-planted onto her bed and gave a loud groan as the book she had brought to bed with her for some light reading the night before dug into her. Without looking up, she groped for the book, aimed it in the direction of her study desk, and let it fly. The hardcover thudded loudly against the balcony door instead of landing on her desk.

Her room was the only room with a small balcony. And as she got up reluctantly to fetch the book, she saw her. The house next door had a balcony too, facing hers, and standing at the rails, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans, was the Elsa girl. And she was crying; hands gripping her elbows, head bowed, tears trekking silent trails down her cheeks as her bunched shoulders shook.

Anna's soft heart simply melted. She pulled open her balcony door and stepped outside. It was quiet out, the snow falling gently, silently, landing in their hair, on their clothes.

"I'm really sorry for what happened just now." Anna said quietly as Elsa looked at her, the fear bright in her eyes. "I hope I didn't hurt you. I really want to be your friend."

Elsa backed slowly away in the sudden wind that picked up. "I… I'm sorry. I can't be your friend."

The words would have hurt badly, had Elsa not looked so broken and sad about it. Something was not right. Did Elsa's parents forbid them to be friends?

"I'm Anna. I know your name is Elsa. And it's okay if you can't be my friend, I'll be yours." She said with determination, before Elsa closed her bedroom door behind her.

* * *

Kristoff thought it was a futile idea, Merida thought it was Anna's _saving-people-thing_ acting up again, but Anna was determined to be Elsa's friend. Elsa didn't go to school, apparently –Gerda said the Arendelles were homeschooling her – but that did not deter Anna. It took her only her entire Math class to come up with a plan. If Elsa's parents did not want her to befriend Anna, then Anna must win them over. First, she would apologize for her behavior the day before, show them that she was – most of the time – the polite, demure little girl her parents had taught her to be.

After school saw Anna on the Arendelles' doorstep, ringing the bell smartly. Her apology was polite and very sophisticated, and Mrs. Arendelle, who answered the bell, was very nice about it all. But when Anna asked to play with Elsa, she was told the other girl was busy with her work, and could not come to the door.

Well, that was that.

Step two, show her goodwill. To Gerda's surprise, her daughter suddenly started showing a great interest in baking – cakes, cookies, pies – the failures were many, and twice the fire alarm went off; the success -an apple pie, the cake and cookies all failed - was taken over to the Arendelles by a very determined Anna. Mr. and Mrs. Arendelle were appropriately touched and thankful – but Elsa was busy with her music and couldn't come out to play.

Anna figured she wouldn't be too busy to read letters, and thus began the letter-writing. Her first letter went something like this:

 _Dear Elsa,_

 _I'm Anna, your neighbor, the girl who accidentally threw snow all over you. I still want to be friends._

 _Do you want to build a snowman?_

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Anna from next door_

She had her mother proofread it before dropping it into the Arendelles' mailbox in an envelope that spelled out _PROPERTY OF ELSA ARENDELLE._

There was no reply in the form of Elsa Arendelle magically emerging in her front yard the next day when Anna got home from school. Elsa did not emerge even after Anna had built a line of ten snowmen in the Andersons' yard, hoping that her neighbor would see her from a window and be tempted to join her.

Her second letter went like this.

 _Dear Elsa,_

 _I don't know if you got my last letter. Anyway, if you don't want to build a snowman, that's okay! How about we meet up at the balconies? We can talk that way, it'll be really cool!_

 _Anna from next door_

She waited for Elsa for the next few days, but the Arendelle balcony doors remained stubbornly closed. Anna thought it was probably due to the weather. The winds were brutal those few days and there was even hail one particular evening when Anna decided to make up a song to sing at Elsa over the balcony.

 _Do you want to build a snowman? C'mon let's go and play! I never see you anymore, come out the door, it's like you've gone away!_

That was as far as Anna got to before the hailstorm started and she had to go back inside.

 _Dear Elsa,_

 _Hope you're well and enjoying yourself here in River's End. You should totally go check out the toy store up on High Street. Old Man Forrest hand carves most of the wooden toys there while his wife paints them. I don't know if you see handmade toys often in the city, but it's worth a look!_

 _Anna from next door_

As the letters continued with no response from Elsa, even Anna's enthusiasm was dwindling. The only proof that Elsa was not a mere figment of Anna's imagination was the sound of someone practicing the piano that could be heard regularly at 4 p.m. every single day. Merida made up her own theories of how Elsa Arendelle was a rich stuck up who looked down her nose at everyone. Kristoff's theory was that Elsa just did not like people and wanted to be alone. Anna knew they were both wrong – Merida didn't see how sad Elsa had been that day on the balcony, and Kristoff was just plain wrong because _no one wants to be alone_ – but even she felt like giving up.

Christmas was around the corner now, and the town was bustling with activities. Forrest Toy Store put up a tantalizing discount sign in its window, as did almost every other store. Gifts were bought and discussed over meals - _Ben Westergaard came in for a limited edition Rolex yesterday, should be for that oldest boy in Harvard!_ – decorations lit up the houses, the shops, overflowing into the streets in typical River's End fashion. It was Anna's favorite season, and she had already bought gifts for her friends with her own money.

Everyone's, except for Elsa's. The Arendelles were coming for Christmas dinner. Anna never had company coming over for Christmas dinner before. She was simultaneously elated and apprehensive. For Elsa was coming, her attendance being promised by her own parents; and Anna could not wait. But she had no idea what to get –and indeed, if she should go to all the trouble to get – for Elsa. She had no idea what Elsa liked or disliked. Well, if her neighbor had bothered to talk to her, even if it was just once, she might have an idea. Anna thought unhappily. But she remembered how sad Elsa had looked, and with renewed determination walked into the toy store with the money she had saved up over the years running errands around the neighborhood and from her pocket money.

The treble clef charm necklace caught her eye. It was the single most expensive thing eleven-year-old Anna had ever seen. She walked around the shop three times but nothing else caught her eye. In the end, she left Forrest's leaving all her hard-earned cash inside and the necklace in her bag.

Elsa Arendelle was just as pretty, just as shy when she stepped over the threshold of the Andersons' house. Adgar and Idun Arendelle exchanged greetings with Anna's parents and Anna, Elsa stood a little to the side, smiling bashfully, gloved fingers firmly laced together behind her back. She took off her coat, but opted to keep her gloves on, they were nice gloves too, thin ones that offered not much protection from the cold outside, but dazzling white and sophisticated-looking.

Dinner was a too quiet and polite for Anna's taste, but it was okay. Elsa's parents were soft-spoken and – when they let down their guard some and started to flow with the conversation – well-read and had a great sense of humor. Their gazes when settling on their daughter were warm, smiles at her were encouraging and loving, so they were not the monster parents Anna had kind of thought they were.

Elsa was… a little odd. She wore the gloves at the dining table, and seemed very far removed from everyone as she focused very very hard on her food, taking great care and time to slowly cut up her meat and chewing. She was the picture of sophisticated grace, and Anna felt like a peasant in her presence. It did not help that Elsa seemed determined to ignore her.

When dinner was over they retired to the couch in the living room. The grownups made small talk with each other, while Elsa sat primly at the side, hands clasped between her knees. Anna sat near the fireplace, and had just about enough of being ignored. She sat, and stared hard at Elsa's bent head, willing the other girl to look up at her.

At last, Elsa looked up. Her eyes were a pretty blue, and wide with fear. Anna smiled instinctively, wanting to soothe. Shyly, she lifted up the wrapped gift containing the necklace to Elsa. "Here. I got you something for Christmas."

For a moment Elsa just sat and stared at her, and Anna wondered if she had done anything wrong. The grownups ceased their conversation, focusing on them instead. "Elsa. Go on." Mrs. Arendelle said gently, giving her daughter an encouraging smile.

Elsa leapt up from the couch, taking everybody by surprise. Anna's heart sank, thinking Elsa was about to run out of the door, but the other girl stood and wrung her hands together nervously, and spoke for the very first time that night. "I… may I go back home to… get something? I have…" and here she looked at Anna and smiled tentatively, and it was the prettiest smile Anna had ever seen on anyone. "I have something for you too."

Mr. and Mrs. Arendelle seemed delighted. "Of course, honey."

Elsa came back with a wrapped gift, and they girls shyly exchanged them. Anna's was a stuffed snowman, and she named it Olaf, who would sleep with her every night for years to come. Elsa was delighted and touched by the treble clef necklace, and wore it every day.

And the two girls became the best of friends.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

Anna was twelve when she told Elsa her Big Secret.

"Why can't you come to school with me?" Anna said, lounging on Elsa's king-sized bed as the other girl bent over her desk in front of the windows. Elsa's room was the best room ever to hang out in. Her room was always neat and clean, and she had her own TV. Her bed was soft, and Anna could sleep in it forever; it also smelled like Elsa, and Elsa always smelled good.

Elsa sighed dramatically. "Anna, we've been through this. My parents feel…"

"That the school's curriculum will not be enough for the future CEO of Arendelle Corp, yeah yeah." Anna recited, having heard it so many times from Elsa before, though not exactly in those words.

Elsa sent her a look, half exasperated, half affectionate. Anna pouted. "I wish you'll go out more, meet more people."

"I have met more people." Elsa sighed, looking down at her essay mournfully because they both knew that she would not finish it in time as Anna continued to rumble on.

"Only those I've introduced you to. Kristoff and Merida and Hans and Flynn. There are lots more people to know in school, Elsa. You'll have tons of new friends, you're so pretty."

"Maybe I don't want tons of new friends. Maybe I like to be alone." Elsa said, flushing prettily at the word "pretty".

"No one wants to be alone." Anna said emphatically.

"I was just fine until you decided to sing at my balcony."

"Oh hush. You love me." Anna grinned.

"I'm going to hate you when I can't finish this in time for my mother tomorrow." Elsa said ruefully. "It'll be the fourth one this week."

"No, you won't. Just tell her you've been busy tutoring me in Math." Elsa was thirteen going on fourteen, and was academically far more advanced than Anna, and anyone Elsa's own age to be exact.

"You know that worked last year, she's caught on to us already." Elsa stood up, her gloved fingers laced together, "I need the bathroom. Anna, you need to get start on your homework too, or you'll get detention again."

"Aw. Will you miss me if I get detention and can't spend the afternoon with you?" Anna flopped onto the bed and grinned up at Elsa.

"Of course." Elsa laughed, and left the room.

Anna rolled around on the bed until she was comfortable, and closed her eyes, not caring that she'd made a mess of the duvet and pillows and stuffed animals on the bed. Who would have thought she would get so close to Elsa? The distant, cold, uptight Elsa Arendelle was really a big softie underneath. She was also painfully shy around people, and it had taken Anna months to get as close as she was now. Elsa's parents were the strict kind, but loved their daughter. They didn't hug and pat like Anna's parents, but Anna could tell they loved Elsa just as much when they smiled or spoke with her. There was a longing in their gazes that Anna felt strange; it was as though they _wanted_ to be more affectionate but were stopped by something, or maybe Elsa herself.

Elsa did not like anyone to touch her, this Anna knew. Her hands were always gloved, too. Maybe she had a thing about dirt, Anna thought. She was always well-spoken, well-mannered, carrying herself like a princess, keeping everyone at bay… and only Anna could make her come out of her shell. Anna was quite proud of that. She _had_ introduced Elsa to her friends, and while Elsa was polite and friendly with them, she was always reserved, keeping herself just a little apart. Too many people seemed to frighten her. But here, in Elsa's room, with only Anna, she was open and carefree; and Anna loved that she could see that part of Elsa.

Some part of her was thrilled that she was the only one who could see that part of Elsa.

A series of thumps, and a piercing scream. Anna bolted from the bed, her heart in her throat as the scream resonated, and burst out of the room. "Elsa! What happened? Did you scream? What…"

She paused at the top of the stairs, looking down in horror at Elsa sprawled at the bottom, her leg at an odd angle, shoulders heaving with harsh sobs, and spikes of frost shooting out in all directions.

Looking back, Anna didn't know how she managed to get to the bottom of the stairs so fast when the fear that catapulted into her was so debilitating. The scene revolved around Anna dizzily as she scrambled towards the other girl. Elsa's whole body trembled in pain and fear, tears pouring in rivulets. The frost spread, spasm uncontrollably from Elsa.

 _From Elsa._

"Elsa. Oh gosh."

"Anna." The devastation on her face was heart-wrenching, "Please… please go away. Please don't…" she tried to struggle, but movement made her cry out as a new surge of pain shot from her leg. It was broken. It _had_ to be.

"Why is there… _ice_ coming from you?" It was too much. Anna didn't know what to do, what to think. What to feel. Elsa was in pain. The leg was terrifying like that, and there was _ice_. Ice coming from Elsa. Ice. Frost. From Elsa. "What on Earth is happening?" she shouted, staying well beyond the perimeter of Elsa's ice.

Elsa curled in on herself and sobbed, entire body shivering. It was a low, keening wail, devastated and hopeless, a mixture of terror and excruciating pain. The frost spread, the air turned cold, and Anna's breath misted in front of her.

Suddenly everything was alarming clear to Anna. All the little accidents, the drop in temperature when Anna thought the heater was acting up. Elsa's insistence on wearing gloves. The way she seemed to long for contact but shied away from any. "Elsa." Anna breathed, heart aching; even as her head warned her away – _stay back run run run she has ice coming from her it's not normal –_ she crept forward, dropping to her knees and shuffling closer to Elsa.

"Elsa. Oh gosh. Shh. Shh. It's gonna be alright." She reached out for Elsa, but as her fingertips touched the top of Elsa's blond head, the other girl tried to spring up, only to cry out in pain and collapsing in a pile. Frost spread uncontrollably and Anna began to shiver, from the cold, from the terror. _What was happening?_ She could not think, but this was her friend. Her Elsa, who had smiled and talked and shared her life with her just minutes ago.

"It's okay. You're okay, Elsa; I've got you." Anna whispered, running her fingers through white blond curls. Elsa shuddered. "Go… go away Anna. Please… _please._ I can't… the ice…"

"Tell me what to do." Anna felt tears welling in her own eyes and rubbed them away furiously. She had to be strong now, because Elsa needed her. "I… I don't know what to do. Your leg… gosh, Elsa. I'm gonna call my dad, okay? You need… your leg…"

"You can't! No one can know." Elsa cried in anguish. "No one! Please Anna. Just leave me alone!"

"I'm not going to leave you!" Anna shouted, "Your leg's broken, Elsa! You need a doctor. My dad… he won't say anything, to anyone. Trust me. Trust me, Elsa, please!"

Elsa looked up at her from the fetal position she had assumed, her eyes flowing, wide with pain and terror. Without thinking, not caring about the frost that was creeping up her knees, Anna bent her head and kissed Elsa's forehead, damp with sweat. "It's going to be alright, Elsa."

She called her dad. Never had Anna been so grateful that her father was a doctor. Then she called Elsa's parents, who were out on an errand. The ice had receded somewhat when Anna went back to Elsa's side. With each spasm of pain, it would advance and retreat. Tenderly, Anna moved Elsa's head into her lap, trying to dry her tears and crooning to her mindlessly.

"You're okay, Elsa. I've got you." She whispered over and over. "It'll be over soon, you'll be alright."

She stayed there with Elsa's head pillowed in her lap when her father came barging into the house. Helped soothed Elsa when the girl tensed up against bewildered questions regarding the ice. Anna stayed there when Elsa's parents came rushing in, fear etched into their faces. She refused to bulge from her position as her father gently began re-positioning Elsa's leg.

At last, worn out from the ordeal, Elsa fell into a troubled sleep.

"She was born with it." Adgar Arendelle said heavily. The grownups were gathered around the Arendelles' kitchen, Gerda had come over and whipped up some simple macaroni and cheese. Under the circumstances, no one had much of an appetite.

"We don't know how, or why. She had slip ups when she was younger. Scared some people. But she's not dangerous." Adgar's eyes flashed angrily, as though daring anyone to refute him.

"We had to leave. Take Elsa away. Too many little accidents, and people were getting suspicious." Idun's eyes were wet. "We were hoping for a new start here."

"We kept her away from people. We know that's wrong, but what else can we do?" Adgar looked around the table helplessly. "If word got out, our daughter will be feared, be looked upon and treated as a... a science experiment. She'll be locked away." His hand found Idun's and gripped tight. "She has ice powers. But she's just a little girl, a normal child who loves the piano and geometry, and hopes for a puppy of her own one day. She's our little girl. We won't let anything happen to Elsa."

"You're right, we won't." Kai said gently, and Gerda gave a firm nod. The adults grasped hands over the table, as though making a vow; and Anna slipped away from the kitchen to look for Elsa in her bedroom.

Elsa was lying on her bed, her leg in a cast. In sleep she looked achingly vulnerable and fragile under the covers. Without thinking, Anna climbed up beside her, slipped under the covers, and being careful not to disturb Elsa's leg, put her arms around the older girl and just clung.

Elsa's eyes opened, tired, sad. "You're still here?" she whispered, as though it was hard to believe.

Tears clogged Anna's throat. She would remember for a long time the way Elsa had looked at the bottom of the stairs, sprawled there like a broken toy. She had not known how much the older girl meant to her until she had been hurt; the fear of losing her friend was very new, very real, and devastating.

"How can I be anywhere else?" she whispered back.

"You know now." Elsa closed her eyes tiredly, "About… everything. Why I can't go to school. Why it's best for me to be alone." When her eyes opened again, it was shining with an old pain, a sad acceptance. "It's dangerous to be around me, Anna." She didn't look at Anna when she said that, speaking to the wall instead. "My ice... I don't know how to control it."

Anna sat up, untangling herself from Elsa. She caught the flash of hurt, of dismay on the older girl's face, the glimmer of tears in her eyes before Elsa shut them and turned her face away. Anna climbed from under the covers, sitting on them instead beside Elsa. she needed to be close to Elsa for this, but not _too_ close.

"I have a secret too." She whispered. "Merida and Kristoff and the gang know… but they were sworn to secrecy. It's kind of hard for them to not know, we knew each other since we were toddlers, and we didn't feel the need to keep anything from each other then, besides… we even went skinny dipping together, so it's kind of hard for them to not know…" she trailed off, aware that she had gone too far ahead, and Elsa was looking at her, confused.

Anna took a deep breath. "I'm a girl, Elsa. Make no mistake about that. But there was some genetic anomaly… and I ended up being born with some… extra parts…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

Anna was fifteen when she realized that she harbored a massive crush on her best friend.

She had resolved to help Elsa learn how to control her ice powers. It had been a long process over the months. But gradually Elsa grew more confident, and with her confidence her control strengthened. Sometimes, Anna thought Elsa never needed help with her powers, she just needed someone to believe in her. Needed someone to tell her that _hey, ice powers can be fun, too._

At first, it was hard to get Elsa to use her powers. Her friend had been taught to _conceal, don't feel, don't let it show_ for so long that it was almost instinct. It took her snowflake by snowflake. A snowflake in her palm to show Anna, then a big one over her head, keeping it floating near the ceiling. Then she graduated to making a ball of transparent ice like a gigantic marble that made Anna coo in raptures at just how _pretty_ it was. After that was perfected -no cracks, no bubbles inside- Anna asked for a small snowman. Elsa's first attempt had been more ice than snow, but Anna was not deterred. Ice statues were great too, she had assured Elsa. It had been winter by the time they were at the snowman stage, and at nights the girls would sneak out of their respective homes and build snow/icemen in the Arendelles' neat yard; not with natural snow, but with snow conjured by Elsa. The first attempts were abysmal, but in the cover of night and the familiarity of the cold weather, Elsa seemed to let her inhibitions go easier, and Anna's heart simply swelled at the precious muffled giggles Elsa emitted during those times.

Their parents seemed delighted by their closeness. Adgar and Idun were especially grateful for the joy Anna brought their daughter. Elsa's relationship with her parents changed for the better too. Well, not _better_ , just more _open_. The very first time Elsa allowed her mother to hug her, Anna saw tears streaking down the older woman's face. Then her father joined the hug and all three Arendelles tangled together, unwilling to let each other go. Elsa loved hugs, and now even allowed Kai and Gerda to hug her too. Such a small thing in other people's eyes, but the Arendelles and Andersons knew it was a huge step for Elsa.

Kai and Gerda too were very happy that the Arendelles simply accepted Anna's… difference. When Anna had told Elsa, the fear of rejection had been so great that the tears had simply bubbled over, and only her single-mindedness in wanting Elsa to not feel so alone kept her from bolting. Elsa's eyes had nearly bulged out of her head, then involuntarily her eyes drifted downwards to Anna's legs before she caught herself and the hot blush consumed her.

"For real?" Elsa had whispered, and all of Anna's insecurities and shame coalesced in that moment when she nodded wordlessly, her head bowed, waiting for Elsa to cast judgment. Elsa had not said anything, but she moved her head wordlessly until her face was buried in Anna's side. It had been the first contact ever that was initiated by Elsa, and although it was not a hug, and there was no verbal acceptance, Anna felt the fear fading.

"You're telling me this now so that I won't feel so bad." Elsa had whispered. "You didn't have to. Thank you, Anna."

"I just… want you to know that you're not the only one with a secret."

Elsa had got up then, slowly as to not disturb her bad leg. And leaned over and kissed Anna softly on the cheek. "I'm so glad you decided I was worth singing to from your balcony."

Anna had given a shaky laugh, rubbing the tears from her eyes. "I've made up a second verse for that brilliant song. Do you want to hear it? _Do you wanna build a snowman? Or ride our bike around the halls? I think some company is overdue, I've started talking to the pictures on the walls."_

They had both fallen over laughing. It was one of the best memories Anna had, despite the events that had led up to that moment.

Nothing else seemed to have changed much. Elsa still did not go to school, though she began to really enjoy her time with Anna's horde of friends from the neighborhood and from school; they were her friends now, too. Winter saw the entire neighborhood kids teaming up to wage their usual snowball fights with each other; and this year Elsa threw herself into the games wholeheartedly. Anna always made sure she was on Elsa's team. Rival teams could never figure out just how they would always lose when it came to snowball fights against Elsa Arendelle.

Sneaking out of the house to go to parties was a trend now, too. Neither Elsa's nor Anna's parents thought their daughters old enough to go, but the forbidden nature of the act made it all the more anticipated to Anna. And everyone wanted to get to know the reclusive, regal, beautiful Elsa Arendelle. Anna thought it her duty to "introduce Elsa to society".

"No, Anna." Elsa sighed, something she seemed to be always saying whenever Anna came up with one idea or another to get them both into trouble.

Anna put on her best puppy-dog look. "Pretty please?"

"Anna. I am not going to sneak out of the house to go to the Westergaard party." Elsa said firmly. "There will be teenagers with raging hormones, and alcohol, and spiked drinks, plus outrageous games filled with sexual innuendos. I can see nothing attractive about such parties."

"You haven't even been to one, so how do you know what goes on at a party like this?" Anna pointed out with a pout.

"I read." Was Elsa's brief answer, with just enough superiority to convey she thought Anna did very little reading by comparison; which, Anna lamented, was true.

"Reading about it and experiencing it firsthand aren't the same. Please, Elsa. For me?" Anna begged shamelessly. "I really want you there with me."

"What about Kristoff and Merida?" Elsa said reluctantly, and Anna smiled, knowing she was winning.

"They'll be there too. But I really want you to come, Elsa. I just… I wish we can do these things together, you know? The usual high school milestones. I don't get to see you in school, sit with you during lunches, or even discuss school events with you. But this is something we can experience together. You know Hans; he will like you to be there."

"Because it will make him look so important to his peers that the Ice Queen of River's End graced his party with her presence." Elsa quipped knowingly.

Anna frowned. "Don't call yourself that." But Elsa just shrugged. Her reclusiveness had earned her the less-than-flattering nickname among the youth of River's End. "They have no idea how close to the truth they are."

"You are the warmest person I know." Anna said sincerely.

Elsa smiled at her. Elsa smiled all the time now, but Anna remembered a time when each smile had to be patiently coaxed out of the older girl, and still relished each smile. Elsa was beautiful any time of the day; but when she smiled like that, she was radiant.

"Alright, Anna. I'll come. Only if you promise you won't leave my side the entire time we are there." Elsa said.

"Yes! Yes!" Anna hugged her enthusiastically. "I promise!"

So here they were, at the party. It was louder than Anna thought, rowdier. She was a freshman, and it amazed her that just a few years of age difference would turn the seniors into… this. There seemed to be no restrictions as to how rowdy the party could go. Boys were doing _stuff_ with girls that made Anna blush. She stuck to Elsa like a leech, partly because she felt very out of place, and partly because she knew _Elsa_ felt very out of place.

Elsa had her mask on, the one that earned her the title of Ice Queen. Anna knew it was used mostly to hide the insecurity and the fear the older girl must be experiencing, and she felt bad for dragging Elsa along with her. But it _was_ a milestone, and Anna _did_ want to share this with Elsa. Elsa had missed out so many things, Anna was determined to include her whenever she could. Besides, it wasn't all bad, the food was good, and they spent quite an enjoyable time hoarding chocolates and eating them in the kitchen.

People around them were whispering, and pointing, throwing frequent glances their way. Anna was glad that they couldn't hear what the whispering was all about due to the loud music. She suspected it had something to do with Elsa's presence.

"Anna, I need the restroom for a while." Elsa shouted at her over the dim. Anna nodded, pointing her in the right direction – she had been to Hans' big house before and knew it well. Making good her promise of not leaving Elsa's side, she stood in front of the restroom door like a guard dog with Elsa inside, waiting for her to come out.

"Well, if this isn't the Freak of River's End." Said a voice, too loud, too drunk.

Anna stiffened, looking up at the senior boys who had crowded around. Her condition was not exactly a secret in River's End, a town where everyone knew everyone else. People made fun of her on and off, but she had never had to face them alone; she had always had Kristoff – champion of the wrestling club- or Merida –with her quick fist and merciless mouth - with her.

The senior boys seemed taller, they were so close, towering over her. Their taunts rang in her ears, blending together with the roar of the party. This – being taunted, being made fun of – did not usually happen, but every time it did, Anna just shut down. She would not admit even to herself, but her difference made her feel less normal, inadequate, and every sneer was like an affirmation to her worthlessness.

"Can I help you, _boys_?" said a cold voice, and Elsa materialized beside her, one arm slung across her shoulders, the other moving in front of Anna to grasp Anna's hand, holding her in a loose embrace that was both protective and comforting at once.

It was clear the senior boys did not know how to react to this surprising change of events. Elsa Arendelle, daughter and heir to the CEO of Arendelle Corp, reserved and gracious, not to mention stunningly beautiful. Many of them had wanted to get to know her, to be in her good graces. And here she was, showing her support to the Freak of River's End.

"Do you even know _what_ she is?" one of the boys spluttered.

"Anna is the kindest, gentlest person I know." Elsa said steely, "I did not know that was such a crime."

"She's… she's…" The senior boy waved an arm, agitated, in the air, "She has a _dick_ , don't you know?"

"Why does that matter?" Elsa demanded, "It doesn't make her less amazing a person. She has such a big heart, she's kind and friendly and cares about her friends. And all _you_ care about is whether she's bigger than you."

There was a short silence, in which everyone stared at Elsa in stunned surprise, even Anna, and also Kristoff and Merida and Ralph and Hans, who had come rushing to Anna's rescue. Elsa's gaze turned wicked.

"Is that what you're afraid of, that she's bigger than you?" she chortled, and Anna's friends broke out laughing. Anna felt her face turning red, because she _knew_ very well that she wasn't big; as did all her friends who had gone skinny dipping with her –granted, it was years ago when size was on none of their minds. But Elsa's arms were still around her, and her friends were laughing _at_ those boys, siding with her, standing around and in front of her; facing down those bullies who had gone red, whose protests could not be heard over the shouts of laughter and Merida's loud " _Well said, Elsa, well said! I get your problem now, Gaston, you're small!_ ". And she knew that Elsa was doing it on purpose, turning the bullies into those targeted.

The bullies fled in the wake of their laughter.

"Are you alright?" Elsa was looking at her, and all Anna saw was her. Their friends were saying something, patting her on the shoulder, on the arm, but all Anna saw was Elsa. The beautiful blue eyes, distressed and concerned; the full mouth, parted slightly; that shining hair, pulled into a plait over one shoulder. Elsa's arms were still around her, holding her loosely, but it was the most intimate hug Anna had ever experienced, because Elsa _didn't let go_ , and she was looking at her with such care, her whole attention was on Anna.

"Yes." Anna breathed, "Thank you." She closed her eyes when Elsa leaned in and kissed her gently on the temple.

A kiss from one friend to another, but the pull on Anna's heart was devastating.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

The first time they kissed, Anna was two months shy of her seventeenth birthday.

It started as something fun. The gang had decided to hang around Merida's home, fooling around. Video games gave way to an impromptu karaoke session which gave way to a game of Truth or Dare. And Anna was dared to kiss Hans. To be exact, she was given the choice between Hans and Elsa, and she chose Hans. Anna had been dreaming about kissing Elsa for months now, and it was exactly why she could not choose Elsa. She did not want to know firsthand how soft Elsa's lips would be, how they would feel against her own. She did not want to know, and then to be denied them again once and for all.

Hans was safe. And so she kissed him.

To her dismay, Elsa was strangely closed off for the rest of the night. She still laughed and joked with the others, but Anna was sensitive to Elsa's every mood, and knew that the girl had withdrawn. She avoided looking at Anna, and didn't speak directly to her.

Adgar and Idun were away that night, having gone to the city to settle some business-related affairs. And as always when such trips came up, Elsa stayed over at the Andersons' place. Anna loved it when Elsa stayed over. Her massive crush had developed over time into something that Anna was afraid to address. Something big and intense and sweet and warm all at once. She loved everything about Elsa. Her quick sarcasm that only Anna was privy to. Her agile mind. The way she hugged herself when she was feeling insecure that always made Anna feel like pulling her into a tight hug to shield her from everything. The way she looked and carried herself. The way her eyes sparkled when something caught her interest. The way she would cling to Anna in her sleep whenever they had a sleepover.

The list was endless.

It was agony sometimes, to have Elsa, and at the same time _not_ have her. Mostly Anna didn't think about it. She was basically Elsa's every link to the outside world, and Anna reveled in the fact that the older girl depended on her so much. So much, that sometimes it was easy to pretend that she was Elsa's one and only.

Their short walk back to the Andersons' was quiet. Elsa could not pretend that nothing was wrong now, and had given up her facade. She was broody, and when Anna tentatively asked her what was wrong, she shrugged the hand Anna placed on her arm away.

"Nothing. Just leave me alone."

They had had disagreements before; with so many years of friendship it was unavoidable. But this was new. Something strummed in the air between them, something Anna could not grasp or even attempt to penetrate. This Elsa was one that Anna did not know how to handle. Not even when Anna had been making up songs about snowmen on a balcony had things been like this. Back then, Elsa had _wanted_ to be her friend, but fear had made her closed off. This Elsa now was closed off because she seemed to want nothing to do with Anna at all.

Anna's parents refrained from asking questions about the obvious tension between the two girls. Anna was grateful. She was already a wreck. When bedtime came and Anna went into her room to see Elsa on her way out with a pillow and no blanket – the cold never bothered Elsa- she could stand it no more.

"Elsa, please. Please talk to me." She didn't care that she was begging. Elsa had always slept in her room, on her bed, _always_.

"There's nothing to talk about." Elsa said shakily, hugging the pillow to her chest. She looked small in her pale blue nightdress, bright hair in a loose braid. Her eyes were red-rimmed. She was near tears, Anna realized with a start. She went to her, pulling Elsa, pillow and all, into a hug.

"Are you angry because I kissed Hans?" she said softly, running a hand soothingly down Elsa's back when the older girl stiffened at her question. For a while, Elsa did not answer, but Anna kept her in the hug patiently. She had no idea how this conversation would go, but she would try everything in her means to wipe that look of defeat from Elsa's eyes.

Elsa nodded, head bumping against Anna's shoulder.

Anna's heart leapt. She had never thought, never hoped… but now the hope flared as hot as flame. Her heart thundered, and it took almost everything Anna had to fight it back. She would not, could not, _should_ not, because if she hoped and the outcome came short, she would never recover from it.

"Elsa, did you want me to kiss you?" she said softly, and her heart lodged in her throat as she waited for the answer.

Elsa was quiet for the longest time, stiff against Anna. The temperature dropped and frost clung to the fingers holding tightly on to the pillow, but Anna held her through it, rubbing Elsa's back slowly.

"Why did you choose Hans?" Elsa whispered against her shoulder. "Do you like him?"

It wasn't the response Anna was dreading, but it wasn't the response she was hoping for either. "Hans is my friend, of course I like him."

Elsa pulled away a little to send Anna a glance that said clearly _you know what I mean._

"He's my friend, and that's it." Anna was suddenly tired of all this. All these months of harboring secret feelings for her best friend, all these months of Elsa _Elsa Elsa Elsa_ being her first thought once she woke up in the mornings and her last thought before she fell asleep. "Elsa, why are you angry at me for kissing Hans? Did you want me to kiss you instead?" she tightened her grip when Elsa tried to shy away, "Don't avoid the question."

"I just thought… I was hurt…" Elsa's breath ghosted over her neck, sending shivers down Anna's back. "I thought you would always choose me over everyone else."

"I'll always choose you over everyone else, Elsa."

"Then why didn't you?" It was the hurt, the catch of it, in Elsa's voice that gave Anna the courage she needed. She could never stand seeing Elsa hurt.

"Because I wanted it too much." Anna whispered. "I wanted to choose you over Hans, too much. And that's why I couldn't."

There was silence after that. Elsa let the pillow drop and wrapped her arms around Anna.

"I wanted you to choose me, so much. And when you didn't, it hurt so badly." She whispered.

The hope was the sun in Anna's breast, the heat of it, the power of it strumming in her blood, in her ears. Her voice trembled from it. So many months of wanting, wishing, waiting; finally she could ask.

"Elsa, can I kiss you?"

Elsa responded by tilting her head and brushing her lips against the corner of Anna's lips. Anna tilted her head too, and their lips met. And the world shifted, rotating slowly around them, and gradually falling away, leaving them suspended in the weightlessness of their quiet joy.

 _There you are; what took you so long?_

It wasn't Anna's first kiss obviously; she had lost hers in second grade when Kristoff planted one on her as a dare. It had felt nothing like this. She clung to Elsa, feeling the gentle, soft pressure of those full lips, and all other kisses faded forever from her mind.

* * *

It wasn't Elsa's first kiss either, hers was Flynn, the result of a drunken night at Ralph's place – Flynn had been drunk, not Elsa, and had taken Elsa completely by surprise; luckily he had been too drunk to remember the ice down the back of his shirt in retaliation. But as Anna deepened the kiss gently, the feel of her, the scent of her simply wrapped around her, and Elsa's previous kiss disappeared from her mind too, and Anna was the first for her.

She clung to Anna when the younger girl gently broke the kiss, burying her face in Anna's shoulder. She had wanted this for so long, so long; and if Anna pulled away now, she knew she would crumble into pieces, never to be put back again.

Anna, the sunbeam of Elsa's world. The embodiment of everything good and kind in Elsa's world. She did not know when these feelings for her best friend developed, by the time she was aware of them, she had been fifteen and it was as though she had always felt that way about Anna. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that Anna might feel about her the same way. Anna was so popular, so beautiful, she could have _anyone_ , Elsa never had a chance.

But Anna wanted her. _I'll always choose you over everyone else, Elsa._

"You stinker." Anna said shakily. "Why didn't you ever say anything? You've made me so utterly miserable for so long."

"I've made _you_ miserable?" Elsa said incredulously. " _I_ was the one who had to look at you hanging around with your friends and dread that you'll realize one day what a sorry excuse of a human being I am and renounce me forever."

"Oh please," Anna rolled her eyes, "Have you seen yourself in the mirror? You're the most gorgeous person ever to walk the Earth, people will do _anything_ to be with you, why would you want anything to do with little ole me?"

It was a stunning revelation for Elsa, to know that sunny Anna harbored the same insecurities as she did.

"I thought… it was so obvious how I feel about you." She said shyly. "I'm always so… so _stupid_ around you. I never knew what to say."

"Really? I couldn't tell. And did you never notice how I tend to ramble on and on whenever I'm around you?" Anna said.

"I thought that's what you always do." Elsa said, chuckling. Her heart had never felt so light before, as though a burden she had not known was there had been shed.

"It is." Anna admitted grudgingly, "but I tend to ramble _more_ when it's you, especially when you're looking at me."

Elsa pulled away a little, fixing Anna with a playful gaze. Sure enough, the blush rose swiftly up Anna's neck, and as they were so close, Elsa could see her pupils dilating. Had Anna always looked at her that way? Like Elsa was the one and only in her eyes. Why had she never noticed?

"Stop it. I can _feel_ myself blushing. _Stop_." Anna planted one hand on her face and pushed her away with a laugh; and any awkwardness their kiss might have generated simply dissolved. They were still the same, best friends; only now they were something more. So much more.

The world was so beautiful, and Elsa had never felt so alive, so unstoppable. Finally, she _belonged._

There was still one thing she needed to hear from Anna, though.

"Anna. What are we now?" she said, feeling ridiculously shy.

Anna's reaction was perfect, as was her response. She blushed and looked down at the floor. "Elsa… will you be my girlfriend?" she said to Elsa's feet.

Elsa felt as though she would never stop smiling. "Yes."

* * *

Elsa woke, twenty six years old again, lying on her childhood bed in her parents' house; the dream was vivid, all the more so because it had been _real_. She stared up at the ceiling through tears, the taste of their first kiss on her lips, the memory of it a terrible ache in her heart.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**

Elsa wanted to hide in her room and mope. The dream had left her sleepless for the rest of the night and she knew she looked terrible. But she also knew if she didn't go down for some breakfast, her father would be charging down the door.

She braced herself for the question when she entered the dining room, and her father did not disappoint.

"You look terrible, honey." Adgar's hair was more gray than the brown Elsa remembered, and was receding somewhat. But his eyes were just as piercing, his shoulders as strong. "Didn't sleep well, did you?"

"Adgar." Idun, more sympathetic, drew Elsa into a chair at the table. Her old chair, Elsa noticed.

"Things didn't go very well with Anna last night, did it?" Adgar was never one to beat around the bush.

"I never expected a warm welcome." Elsa said. But it wasn't exactly true, she realized. She _had_ hoped. She had expected Anna to leap into a towering rage, to shout so loud that half the town would hear. She was entitled to it. But Elsa had hoped that after all the raging, Anna would throw herself into her arms, eyes bright with tears and joy, and things would go back to the way it was before Elsa… left. She looked out the window at the yard she and Anna and so many others had played as children, and her heart yearned for the simplicity of it all.

"So when are you going to patch things up with Anna?"

"Adgar." Idun sighed at her husband's lack of tact.

Elsa shook her head, then fixed her father with a stern gaze. "Is this why you suspended me from my job? So that I'll be back here to try to patch things up with Anna?"

"Seemed like the right thing to do at the time." Adgar leaned back in his chair with his morning coffee. Elsa stared at him in shock. Adgar had been the affectionate but stern father in her childhood, this was one manipulation she had never in her wildest dreams thought possible from her father. "Dad, you suspended me from my position in the company because of _one_ late report. _One!_ "

"You left me no choice." Adgar said defensively. "You were moping and doing nothing about it. You needed a push in the right direction. I tried for ages to look for some fault in your work; that report was the only excuse I had. I had to get you away from the city and back here somehow."

Elsa just stared. "Do you even hear yourself right now? _One_ late report, Dad!"

"I had one excuse, and I took it. I just want you to be happy." Adgar said blithely. "Don't avoid the question, honey. When are you going to patch things up with Anna?"

Elsa face-planted on the table. "I don't know. I don't know where to start." She mumbled pitifully into the wood.

"Try apologizing. That's always a good start." Adgar said, and sipped his coffee.

"I don't think it's that easy, Dad."

"When you've done something wrong, you apologize for it. This has always been the way it should be. No one ever said it'll be easy."

"You should go see your friends." Idun suggested as her father gave an undignified yelp – Elsa guessed it was because her mother had kicked her father under the table. At the mention of her friends, Elsa's heart sank further.

"They're Anna's friends." She was reminded again how dependent on Anna she had been. Without Anna, there were very little of the town she was familiar with.

Idun fixed her a stern glance. "They're your friends too. Do you want Anna back in your life?"

Did she even have to ask? "Yes."

"Then you have your work cut out for you."

* * *

 _That miserable, arrogant…. Stinker_! How dare she, to waltz into her parents' home, expecting her to weep for joy and fall into her arms; and to look so baffled when Anna did neither.

Anna had not slept well the night before. It didn't help that she had spent the night in her parents' house, in her old room, where memories of Elsa collided with the staggering impact of Elsa's presence in River's End.

Anna swung down the main street of the town. She was late, not that she had a boss who cared when she clocked in or out, but still she hurried; it was the principle of it more than anything. Little had changed over the few years Elsa had left. The grocery store was still at the end of the street. Old Man Forrest still sat behind the counter of the toy store; Old Mrs. Cullen still gave the children who entered her shop free candy from her shelves, much to the resignation of her son. _Seven years,_ her heart whispered, _seven years since Elsa left_. _But who was counting?_

Anna thank God for small favors; luckily for her she had seen Elsa crossing the yard to her house from an upstairs window. What humiliation it would have been if she had been caught unawares.

Elsa Arendelle was beautiful, elegant, poised. A part of Anna had wanted her fat, her face pot-marked. But all Elsa managed to do in these seven years was grown more beautiful. And when Anna had seen her, the emotions had slammed into her; joy, fury, longing, love. All so intense, so sudden, that she had been breathless from them. And she had to sit for a while, breathing slowly, before being able to get those emotions under control.

Once she would have run to her, would have done anything to make the anxious look disappear from Elsa's face; to make Elsa smile. Once her world had revolved around Elsa, her happiness depending solely on the other girl. Those days were long gone. Now she was a woman grown, with her job and her friends, her focus and her place in the town. It infuriated her to remember the mess of grief and confusion she had been in when Elsa had left.

Now she was stronger, and there were more important things in her life than Elsa Arendelle.

She pushed open the door to Kristoff's bakery, two doors from the candy shop, letting the familiar warmth and the smell of fresh bread and blast of conversation comfort her. She volunteered here when the summer holidays came and she did not have to be in school. Kristoff's bakery-slash-café was newly established, but it was quickly gaining popularity and Kristoff could use all the help he could get.

"Anna!" Kristoff waved from behind the counter, looking anxious, face already flushed from the heat from the kitchen. Merida, who taught at River's End High School along with Anna, was already there, a tray pretty well-balanced in each hand as she zoomed around the café on… skates. That was new. Anna stared, open-mouthed, before dodging out of the way and heading toward the counters. As long as no skate-related accidents occurred, she was not going to ask questions.

"Anna! Last night…" began Kristoff.

"The éclairs were awesome, as was the crème brûlée. And those little fruit tarts were…"

"I'm not asking about that!" conscious of the gossip grapevine of small towns, Kristoff grabbed her by the arm and dragged her toward the kitchen. The door swung shut behind them, dimming the buzz of the crowded café outside. Rapunzel, Kristoff's co-chef and baker, was inside, looking up in surprise from the oven in which pies were baking.

"Mind the counter, will you?" Kristoff said gruffly.

"Okay. Don't burn them." Rapunzel pointed a finger at him, and left with a curious glance at Anna. Anna waited for the door to swing shut again.

"If you don't want to know about the feedback from last night…"

"I heard Elsa's back in town." Kristoff said gruffly, looking at her closely. Anna deflated.

"Who told you." It wasn't a question, Anna would be disappointed if Kristoff had heard it from less than ten different people. Their town was a close-knit community, after all. Kristoff shot her a meaningful glance.

"Not you."

Anna sighed. "There's not much to talk about. She came over to my parents' place last night. Took me by surprise too."

"Why didn't I know that?" Kristoff waved his arm agitatedly.

"Because you were in the kitchens loading trays. She was only there for a little while. Greeted my parents. She left before they cut the cake." And Anna had been glad to see her leave. Kristoff studied her piercingly, and Anna fought to keep herself from squirming. "Kristoff…"

"Are you alright?" Kristoff said gently, and Anna had to fight down the sudden urge to cry. She nodded, but Kristoff reached out to gather her into his arms, and with a sigh she pressed her face into his broad shoulder.

"I'll be fine." She said. She would be.

"Let's go for a movie tonight." Kristoff said, "Or we can stay home and invite the gang over and play video games, or something."

"Sounds good." Anna said. She knew Kristoff had a lot of questions, but she was glad that her oldest friend refrained from asking. Those were questions she didn't know the answers to. Was Elsa back for good or was it just a brief stay? What did her coming back meant to Anna? Did she want Elsa back in her life?

The door burst opened and Merida came flying in on her skates, narrowly escaping from slamming face-first into the ovens.

"Anna, this may come as a shock to you but _Elsa Arendelle_ is coming down the street toward the café." She said breathlessly. "Get out through the back door, I'll stall her. Go."

Loyal friends were a Godsend, Anna decided; on certain occasions only. Knowing Merida the Fearless, Anna backed away from Kristoff and grabbed on to Merida's sleeve instead, just in case she was thinking of doing something extreme. Like punching Elsa in the face.

"I'm not going anywhere." Anna took a deep breath. "Merida, behave."

"When have I never?" Merida said indignantly, but Anna had already shot Kristoff a warning gaze and exited the kitchen.

Elsa was just coming in through the door. A sudden hush fell over the crowd at the tables. People gaped, then there was a burst of noise where everyone started talking at once.

"There you are! Looking lively!"

"How are you? Still as pretty as ever!"

"How long will you be staying?"

"Better late than never, I've waited seven years for this day." Merida murmured from behind Anna, and made a lung in Elsa's direction with fists raised, only to be pulled back by Kristoff with one arm firmly around her waist. "We'll be inside." He mouthed to Anna, before closing the kitchen door firmly.

Elsa's good manners guaranteed Anna some time to compose herself. She watched as the blonde moved around the café, shyly exchanging greetings, answering questions. Still as sophisticated as ever. Anna's heart ached because nothing about Elsa seemed to have changed, and yet everything had. She began making herself look busy behind the counter, putting on an apron and starting on an espresso that no one ordered. Beside her, Rapunzel watched the scene with a puzzled air, while arranging little apple tarts on a tray.

When Elsa finally got around to the counter, Anna was ready for her.

"Anna." That voice. How many months had she dreamed of that voice, wishing, praying that she would hear it again. She didn't dare look up, she didn't want to look into those blue eyes and be lost in them.

"Hey. Good morning! So what's it for the day?" she said brightly instead, the training she had during her months of waitressing during college coming into play.

Elsa hesitated, clearly confused. "Erm… I was wondering if we could… I mean… we didn't really get a chance to talk last night. I was wondering if we can… when you are free, of course… if we can… catch up."

"Catch up." The words sounded foreign on Anna's tongue. Her world was upside down, and Elsa wanted to catch up. "Now's not a good time; as you can see, I'm working. But as you're here, let me introduce you to the chef who put together our marvelous menu today." Anna gestured to Rapunzel, "This is Rapunzel, whose cooking will be sure to tempt you; Rapunzel, this is Elsa Arendelle, an old friend of ours. Feed her, will you? I'm needed in the kitchen." She turned and escaped.

Elsa watched as Rapunzel's eyes widened in shock, then the sunny smile disappeared. Here it was, the dragon protecting the princess, she thought weakly as Rapunzel folded her arms in front of her chest.

"They serve a very nice breakfast down at the inn," she said stiffly, "I'll be sure to let Kristoff know you dropped by."

"Kristoff?"

"This place belongs to Kristoff, it has been his dream for years." _Which you would know had you bothered to stay_ was the unspoken accusation. If Rapunzel, someone who had only known Anna for a few years – because she sure wasn't from River's End when Elsa had still been here – leaped to protect Anna like this, Elsa could only think of how the others – Kristoff, Merida – would react. Frustration clawed at her as it always did whenever she had to settle something but had no means of doing it. Desperation edged in, because she really, _really_ wanted Anna back in her life but it seemed more impossible as time went. And with it came the first lick of anger, poking through the guilt she had wrapped herself in. She had met Ralph earlier in the morning, along with his brother Felix, at the construction site they were working, as well as Flynn at his lawyer's office, and Tiana, who had been a friend though not one of their gang; all of them had been polite, brutally so, and cold.

She wanted at least one person of her age, just _one_ , who would welcome her back and meant it.

If all of Anna's friends were hell-bent on keeping her away from Anna, some drastic actions needed to be done. Grimly, Elsa took out her phone and began dialing.

* * *

Their apartment suited Anna just fine. It was located at a ten minutes' drive away from the café, fifteen minutes from the high school, and fifteen minutes from their parents' houses. It had three rooms, one each for Kristoff, Merida and Anna. Anna loved the mismatched furniture the three of them had salvaged from yard sales and the flower curtains Merida's mother had embroidered. It was a pretty place, close to the park, with decent neighbors.

Decent neighbors, until now.

"Unbelievable." Anna murmured, staring. The day before, the apartment directly opposite theirs had been empty; today, the door was opened, and workmen were milling around moving furniture. The gossip grapevine of River's End had failed; Anna was taken completely by surprise. Wait till Kristoff and Merida get home and get a hold of this, she thought.

Elsa Arendelle was their new neighbor.

Elsa herself was there, giving instructions as to which piece of furniture went where in a steady, quiet, authoritative voice. This was new, Anna thought absently, this was a side of Elsa she had not known before, one that did not fit in with the insecure girl she had grown up with. But Elsa had been working in her father's company for five years now, and authority sat well with her. She looked… sexy, in her conservative blouse and slacks, her blond hair in a bun, the serious look on her face.

The sudden lust was unwelcomed, but not, Anna thought resignedly, entirely surprising. Heat had never been the problem between them. Till now, Anna was not quite sure what the problem had been.

Right now, Elsa's presence was her problem. The other woman saw her standing by the staircase, and angled her chin in a very familiar, defiant way. The façade was down, there would be no more forced politeness. Good, Anna was not in the mood to be polite either.

"Elsa, I need a word with you, alone." She hissed, her key already out to unlock her own door. Any confrontations with Elsa would be done behind closed doors; there was always the chance –no matter how unlikely- of Elsa losing control of her powers. Even at a time like this, Anna thought sourly, she was still thinking about protecting Elsa.

"Oh, _now_ you want to talk?" Elsa snapped, but followed her in through the door. Anna was too angry to feel self-conscious about the mess in the living room and the dishes in the sink – it was Merida's turn to do the dishes. Besides, it was Elsa. Anna was the last person on Earth at the moment who would worry about impressing the Ice Queen.

"What are you doing?" Anna rounded on her.

"Moving in. Isn't that obvious?" Elsa shot back. "Or do you suggest I stay with my parents instead?"

"All that wealth finally got to your head, huh? Who buys an apartment just to stay for a few days?" Elsa's perfume was invading her senses. Her pale face was flushed with temper, those blue eyes firing magnificently. Anna backed away, appalled at the direction of her thoughts, and the direction of her blood flow currently draining from her head, rerouting south.

"I'm not here for a visit, Anna. I'm here to stay." Elsa felt a vicious satisfaction as the color drained from Anna's face. She followed that with the next punch. "In two weeks' time, I shall be starting in River's End High School as the new English teacher."

"You're joking." Anna staggered back, mouth agape.

"No. I'm looking forward to seeing you in school, my dear colleague."

Anna touched a fist to her chest, where her heart was hurting. She was so sure Elsa was back for a visit. Just a visit. It was the only thing that kept her going, kept her from yearning, kept her from breaking down. Now Elsa was her neighbor, and her colleague.

"Why are you doing this?" she whispered.

"This is my home." Elsa countered, her chin angled. "I wasn't born here; and I left for further studies in the city; that doesn't mean River's End isn't my home."

"Further studies my ass." Was Anna's furious response. "This is your home _my ass_. What a touching statement for someone who walked away so casually. You left because you felt trapped here. Or did you forget? You said so yourself, you felt trapped here. By _me_." And the memory of it tore her to pieces.

"Anna." Shaken, Elsa reached out, only to have her hand slapped away.

"Don't touch me." Anna said quietly. "You don't have the right. Nor do you have the right to come waltzing back into my life on your own whim, after leaving like that on your own whim. What do you want, Elsa? You moved in, you applied to my school; don't insult my intelligence and say it's all a coincidence."

Elsa swallowed, balled her fists against the cold in her fingers. It startled her, she had not needed conscious effort to rein her powers in for a long time now. "I want you back in my life."

"Well, I don't want you back in mine." Anna said, and disdain masked her voice, making Elsa squirm. "It's always about you, isn't it, Elsa? What you want, what you need. Leaving because it suits you, coming back because it suits you. Never mind how other people feel. You can take your wants and your needs to hell, Arendelle."

"There was nothing casual about the way I left! And I never meant to hurt you." It was panic in Elsa's chest, tightening around her heart, causing the temperature drop that had frost spreading slowly in a circle, making Anna's breath mist. This was all wrong; the distrust, the disdain, the cold, the indifference, an Anna that was closed off because she wanted nothing to do with Elsa anymore. "I know I did, but I never meant to! I _had_ to leave!"

"Because you were trapped here by me." Anna said hollowly, "I think we've established that. You might wanna calm down a little before getting the hell out of my place. Won't want your secret to leak after so many years of secrecy."

Guilt intensified ten-fold, because after all that had happened, after all the hurt she had caused Anna, she was still protecting her secret. "Anna, please, just… let go of your pride for one moment and…"

" _Pride_?" Anna backed a step, then another, and her voice cracked, as did her mask. And Elsa saw the anguish, the pain, the helpless fury. "You think this is _pride_? Elsa, I _loved_ you."

Elsa wanted to step forward, to gather her up and soothe away all the pain she had caused. But it was the same pain that she could see that made her step back instead.

Anna's voice was quiet again. "I loved you. Completely. With everything I had. I loved you so much. So much that when you left, I thought I would die from it."

"Anna".

But Anna raised a hand, and Elsa stopped.

"But I didn't die, Elsa. I got over you instead, and I no longer need you. And what you threw away so callously would have been the best thing of your life."

She reached for the door, opened it. "I think it's best you leave, Elsa."

The door shut with a dull thud behind Elsa. The hallway was empty for the time being. The men were busy with the fridge, or the bed, or they could have taken her stuff and ran; at the moment, Elsa couldn't care less. Grateful for the solitude, she slid down the door and buried her face into her knees as silent sobs racked her body.

On the other side, Anna sat with her back to the door, her head angled up to stare at the ceiling. Her hand was still fisted on her chest. A heart could still hurt, she thought vaguely, even when it had been crushed to dust. And she was so tired, so tired of the pain.

She dropped her face into her knees too, and wept.


	7. Chapter 7

Warning: Slight lemon.

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

" _Now_ will you let me hit her?" Merida banged her glass on the counter, already halfway to being sloshed. Which was saying quite a lot since Merida had the strongest liver among the three. Anna was long gone, her mind already swimming in a mostly happy haze; her vision swam too, and she wondered why Kristoff was dancing on his stool.

The bar wasn't crowded, it was a weekday after all. But Anna thought it was the perfect time to get drunk – hey, school was starting in two weeks and then she would have to be sober for the rest of the semester; and her two housemates lived up to their role of best friends by tagging gamely along.

Kristoff though, was rapidly regretting consenting to coming along. "Hang on. Violence never solves anything." he said, eyeing his two best friends warily. He was the designated driver tonight, and he already knew he would be mopping up the other two – and the apartment too – when they got home later.

"Yes it does! It will make me feel better!" Merida said indignantly.

"You're being awfully nonchalant about Elsa's return, Kristoff." Anna slurred. "And will you please stop swaying, you're making me dizzy."

"O-okay." Kristoff reached over and plucked Anna's glass from her hand. Anna pouted, and slid into his lap trying to get it back.

"Enough, Anna. You're drunk."

"Not enough," she giggled. "I'm still feeling it. I wanna stop feeling. Gimme my glass."

"You'll thank me in the morning, trust me." Kristoff sighed, and drew Anna in so she could rest her burning forehead against his shoulder. He was rewarded for his pains with an elbow in his stomach.

"You're too warm. I need some ice." Anna groaned, pushing him away.

"You're not bothered by Elsa's return." Merida accused. "You won't let me hit her. I thought you were our friend." She jabbed a finger at him for emphasis, which would work better if she wasn't pointing it a few inches above his shoulder at the fake reindeer head mounted on a plate hanging on the wall.

"I am your friend." Kristoff said gruffly, "But… I'm Elsa's friend too. And she's miserable. No one here is giving her a good time as it is. "

Anna pushed against him. "You traitor."

"I'm not sitting here arguing with two drunks." Kristoff said, throwing up his arms in resignation as Anna clambered off him.

"I don't want to talk to you anymore, you're mean." Anna said, leaning against Merida instead.

"You're supposed to be on our side." Merida poked Kristoff in the ribs.

"Look, guys. Listen. Anna, Elsa loved you." Kristoff said, taking Merida's glass from her too. "Look at this from an objective point of view. Elsa loved you. Maybe she _had_ to leave. Maybe something happened, or maybe there was something she had to do."

"Then she should have told me instead of writing me off like that." Anna said, "How do you know she loved me?"

"A blind man could have told you she loved you. And her coming back here and getting a job and an apartment to be close to you, well, that means she wants to be something with you again, right? She's trying. Maybe this time she will tell you."

"Nah. I won't go near her with a ten feet pole." Anna said convincingly.

"She's just next door, she's practically asking for it. I'm gonna punch her in the face. Welcome her to the neighborhood, ya know?" Merida said.

Kristoff threw up his arms. "There is no reasoning with drunks."

Two hours later saw Kristoff wearily stumbling out of the elevator at their floor, one arm around Merida, the other around Anna. He was a tall man, broad-shouldered and strong like his father, which was a good thing because lugging around two near-unconscious females was no easy feat. Especially when they were not too far gone to stop singing and wiggling.

When Elsa opened her door to see who was singing _I will ride, I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky_! at the top of their lungs, this was the sight that greeted her. Kristoff, with the aspiring singer Merida heaved over one shoulder, and one arm around Anna to keep her from slipping all the way to the floor.

Their eyes met, and both blondes simply stared at each other for a moment.

He had filled out, Elsa thought weakly. He was no longer the tall, gangly boy who had looked like someone grabbed him by the head and legs and pulled in opposite directions. He had grown into the feet that had always seemed too large for his body.

She was too thin, Kristoff thought grimly. Too thin, too pale, too sad, and tragically beautiful in her huge nightdress. She also looked very young, standing there in the door, looking as lost as she had been the very first time he saw her.

He opened his mouth, and she hitched up a shoulder, as though preparing for a blow. No one had welcomed her home, and she wasn't expecting him to do it either. His heart went out to her.

"Sorry about her. She only sings when she's drunk." He said, with a tentative smile. Elsa peered in confusion over the shoulder she had hitched up, as though wondering who Kristoff was addressing. She saw his smile, and returned it with a tentative one of her own.

"She's still shy about it, huh?"

"She's a terrific singer, but she's the only who doesn't think so." Kristoff let his smile widen. "Hello, Elsa. Welcome back."

Tears simply rushed into her eyes, and they both stood there awkwardly, not looking at each other until Elsa managed to blink them away. Anna chose that moment to turn in Kristoff's hold, and the two blondes stiffened when she peered blearily around at Elsa.

"Hey! It's Elsa! She's back!"

Anna flung herself out of Kristoff's grip, and Elsa found her arms full of wiggling, giggling Anna. Her breath smelled strongly of alcohol, and Elsa _knew_ this hug was alcohol-induced, knew it; but her arms tightened around Anna, and when Kristoff, face concerned, made a move to come nearer, she turned them both away. She needed this hug, needed this like she had not known she needed until Anna was in her arms.

Seven years. She had missed this, missed Anna like she missed part of her heart. Missed her missed her missed her. And now here she was, intoxicated, but _here_. She buried her face into strawberry blond curls, and the tears simply would not stop. As her shoulders heaved, she knew she was using Anna again, using her for comfort when Anna was not in full control of her thoughts, but she could not bring herself to let go. In the quiet of the night, all seemed bleak and hopeless, and she thought desperately that this might be the only time she would get to hold Anna.

"Elsa…" Kristoff hovered, helplessly, swaying as Merida was still over his shoulder, now humming to herself under her breath and seemingly oblivious to what was going on around her.

"Please… please Kristoff, let me have this." She wanted to ask for more. When Anna gave a moan and burrowed closer, Elsa instinctively lowered her body temperature, just like the time a younger Anna had been drunk for the first time and wanted Elsa to "cool her down". Anna gave a satisfied sigh, and laid her head on Elsa's shoulder with a contented smile.

Love swelled even as the tears fell. Elsa pressed her head to Anna's, closing her eyes. She wanted to stay like this forever, she wanted to pull Anna into her, in with her, to her apartment, to her room, curl up with her on her bed. Oh how she _wanted_. When Kristoff caught hold of Anna's arm gently, Elsa clung all the more ferociously.

" _Please_."

"You know you can't, Elsa. You know I can't let you, either. Anna will be furious when she wakes up tomorrow. And by not letting her go now, you are pushing her further away." Kristoff said gently.

"Just for a while, then. For a while longer. Please?"

Kristoff sighed. For a moment he hesitated, then let the hand holding Anna's arm drop away. "I'll put Merida to bed, give you two a moment."

In the silence they left behind, Elsa kept her eyes closed, listening to Anna's breathing. Anna was humming to herself, and with a pang Elsa recognized the tune – _do you want to build a snowman_. Anna's eyes opened, looking up at Elsa curiously. Her eyes were so blue, so blue; Elsa could get lost in them forever.

"Hey, Elsa. Why are you crying?"

Elsa's voice caught in a choke. "I missed you, so much."

Anna giggled. "Silly girl. You never needed to miss me. I'm always here."

"I'm so sorry." She knew she needed to say it to a sober Anna, but she needed to say it now, or she would go crazy.

"It's alright. Don't cry anymore, Elsa." Anna said.

When Kristoff came back, Elsa had moved Anna to her couch; Kristoff could see because Elsa had kept her door opened. She had wanted to close it, so much. To close the door and shut everyone else and everything else outside the door, but she knew she could not. Kristoff stood for a moment at the door, watching quietly as Elsa sat rocking Anna gently, cheek against Anna's hair, eyes closed.

 _Why did you leave?_

"She's asleep." Elsa whispered when Kristoff walked up to her, not opening her eyes. "Just… be gentle so she doesn't wake up."

Kristoff just stood there for a moment. While most of Elsa's furniture was already in place, there were still boxes piled in the living room. The walls were bare, cold. When Kristoff and Merida and Anna had moved into their apartment, their families and friends had tagged along, offering to help. For days their place had been filled with laughter, increasingly inappropriate jokes, the sound of moving furniture, and people complaining loudly about the work. It had been tiring, and sometimes the extra people were more hindrance then help. And the people who came and went made the event more enjoyable.

Where were the people offering to help Elsa move?

"I'd offer you a drink, but I'm fresh out." Elsa said, voice soft so as not to wake Anna.

Kristoff nodded absently, looking around. "Look. I get off work tomorrow at four. I'll come by to give you a hand with the boxes."

The silence that greeted his offer made him turn back to look at Elsa. She looked stunned, as though Kristoff had clubbed her over the head instead of offering her help. Her reaction was the last straw. Kristoff reached out and smoothed a hand down her hair, watching as her eyes closed at the gesture, sheer relief on her face.

"The guys gave you a hard time, huh." He said softly. Elsa offered a tight smile.

"I don't blame them." She said quietly.

"Neither do I. It was a rotten thing to do, Elsa, leaving just like that." Kristoff didn't mean to bring it up, so soon, so suddenly. But the words came unbidden.

She looked miserable. "I know. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you at the café, Kristoff. I just… I want you to know that I think it's a great place, and I'm very proud of you, if that matters. I didn't… I didn't talk to you because I know that you're Anna's best friend and…"

"Wait, what?" Light dawned on Kristoff. "You think this is about what happened between you and Anna?"

"Isn't it?" Elsa said, not looking at him. Anna gave a soft moan in her sleep, and Elsa combed her fingers gently through her hair, quieting her.

"I can't say it doesn't play a factor. But it's not all about Anna. We were your friends, too, Elsa."

Elsa flinched at the _were_. But Kristoff pressed on. "We were your friends. We did everything together. And then one day you were just gone. No goodbyes, no warning. Only Anna knew, and she was incoherent with her misery when we tried asking where you were. At least _she_ knew you were gone." He could still remember the bewilderment, and the hurt. "You didn't say goodbye. We went by your house. Your parents told us you left for college."

"I did." Elsa said, lamely.

"You changed your number. You deleted your Facebook account, your Twitter. You never replied to our emails. What part of college requires your cutting off all contact from your friends?" He had more anger than he realized, was more hurt than he realized. "You cut us off, Elsa. And we couldn't help thinking, maybe you never cared that much about us anyway."

"I did. I do." There were fresh tears in Elsa's eyes now, brimming but not falling. She had cried so much in the last few days, she was exhausted from it.

"Then you have a lot to prove to the guys." His soft heart went gooey at her misery. With a sigh he pulled her into a half hug. "There now. Don't cry, Elsa."

"I'm sorry, Kristoff. You've always been my friends, all of you. I've missed you every day after I left."

"Okay." Said Kristoff, patting the top of her head. It was that easy, Elsa realized, the easy acceptance, the offered comfort. And the guilt intensified because forgiveness had been granted even before she had finished asking for it. "That's it? You don't want me to maybe grovel a little?" she sniffed.

"I think you've suffered enough." Kristoff said. "But I think with Anna, you'll grovel plenty. You really hurt her, Elsa. Especially when Hans told us about your boyfriend just a week into your new life in the city."

He noted the way she stiffened, the confusion churning in her eyes turning to comprehension and then to a quiet, simmering anger, and filed it carefully away for further consideration.

"He said that, huh? What else did Hans say after I left?" she said quietly.

"That you fitted very well into your new life, had tons of new friends – Ariel, Belle, Cindy. Told us there was no need to worry about you."

There was frustration as well as anger in her eyes now. "I… see." She turned to look at the sleeping Anna, slumped against her, and her eyes softened. With a sigh she pressed a kiss to Anna's hair, lingering for a moment before pulling back.

This time, when Kristoff reached out to take Anna, Elsa did not protest. There was a bleak look in her eyes when she followed them to the door. Kristoff turned back to look at her when he reached their door; Elsa stood there in her doorway, very much alone.

"There was no boyfriend, was there, Elsa?" he asked.

Elsa shook her head. "There was no boyfriend. No girlfriend either." She said quietly. "There never had been, nor will there ever be, anyone else but Anna."

Kristoff nodded. "You need to tell her that."

* * *

 _You need to tell her that._ Easier said than done. Elsa thought sourly.

She spent the next three days holed up in her apartment to clean and clear out the boxes. It saddened her, a little, to find that her entire life fitted into just four boxes. Clothes and more clothes. Some books. A few photo albums. Some souvenirs from her colleagues who had traveled abroad. A shoe box containing all the little things she treasured.

Her parents came over, brought food, offered help. Elsa accepted the food and gently declined the help. She didn't need help, she insisted, she was tired because she had not been sleeping well, not because the move had tired her out. Her father left without a fight, with was unusual, then the reason for his lack of protest became apparent when he came back with a moving truck carrying a brand-new piano. It wasn't the grand piano still sitting in her parents' house, but Elsa missed the instrument so much that she barely protested when the moving people manhandled it into her small living room.

"Dad, you really shouldn't have." she said.

"My girl loves the piano." Was his simple reply.

In the evenings Kristoff knocked on her door. He helped moved some of the furniture around when Elsa wanted to put down a carpet in the living room. He hung some framed pictures on the walls for her. He also helped set up her television, her computer, and all the other electronic stuff that stumped her. When she asked, tentatively, if Anna was okay with his helping her out, Kristoff shrugged.

"You're my friend, too." was his simple response.

When Kai and Gerda Anderson showed up bearing gifts, Elsa wanted to cry.

"Aren't you at least a little angry for the way I left?" she asked them as Gerda set down the apple pie baked exactly the way Elsa had loved as a child while Kai handed over the huge bouquet of flowers. Gerda smiled in understanding; Kai looked baffled.

"Why would we?" Kai said.

"We love you too, Elsa." Gerda said gently.

Three days. And now she was alone, in her new apartment, furnished according to her taste. Elsa did not know what to make of her emotions. All the anger, frustration, guilt, misery. She had not seen Anna since that night, and found herself wondering where she was, who she was with, what she was doing, how she was. She refrained from peeping every time the door opposite hers opened. Each time it did, she wondered if it were Anna. Sometimes it would be Anna and Merida and Kristoff, and Elsa would hear the low hum of conversation as they passed by the door. It took all she had to not fling it open and beg to be included.

Love, she thought, was not all sunshine and roses as the stories and songs made out to be. So often it hurt, and so often the pain was unbearable. But people could not seem to live without it, could not seem to escape from it. Maybe because the alternative was loneliness, and that was worse.

Suddenly her apartment seemed too small. The walls seemed to press in on her, and her breath hitched. She could not stay here, alone, she needed to escape, she needed to just _go._

She had her hand on the door handle when she realized where she intended to go. Next door. To Anna. It was almost instinct. The need gnawed at her, gnawed until she had to stand there with her hands balled tight into fists and take deep breaths.

She could not run to Anna. She no longer had the right. Right that moment, she heard it. The footsteps on the stairs, the happy bark of Kristoff's puppy Sven, and Anna's laughing voice. "Hey! Sven, give that back!"

Elsa stood there, numb, heart pounding. Through the ringing in her ears she heard the door opposite open and close. Anna was back, from the sound of it, alone. The need in her roared. But she knew she would not, could not, _should_ not, because Kristoff was right; by going over now she would only push Anna further away. She had to wait for Anna to come to her.

She rubbed her wet eyes, sat down at the piano stool. Blindly she ran her hands over the keys. Maybe some music would soothe. She doubted anything could. But the familiar keys called to her, and from memory she started to play. It was sometime before she realized what she was playing.

 _My Best Friend,_ by Jason Chen. It had been a favorite in her teenage years, when she had played it over and over, thinking her feelings for Anna was not reciprocated. Then, when they had been together, it had been their song.

She was playing it a second time when the pounding on her door started. Still dazzled by the swirl of emotions in her, she went to answer it without checking who it was.

It was Anna, dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. She looked sexy and superbly pissed off.

"Cut it out."

"I… what?" was all Elsa could manage.

"I said, cut it out." Anna jabbed a finger at her. "You have no right. No right to play that song after what you did. That was…" she stopped, stared at Elsa. "What happened to you? You look like hell. Life in our little town not agreeing with you, Arendelle?" She raised a hand, pressed it to Elsa's forehead to check her temperature. And Elsa snapped.

She lunged, grabbed Anna and crashed their mouths together. The kiss burned through her, a fiery joy, a pounding in her whole body. She felt Anna's resistance, and deepened the kiss, and with a growl Anna grabbed her. They grappled, somehow managed to slam the door shut, and dragged each other to the couch. She tore at Anna's shirt, pulling it roughly over her head, a tiny part of her brain blaring a repeating warning of _don't do this don't do this don't do this_ ; but Anna's hands were in her hair, over her shoulders, pulling her shirt open and popping buttons, and that warning was over-ridden by _oh gosh now now now now now._

They flipped, Anna was on top now, pinning Elsa to the couch with her body. Hands roamed over breasts, over stomach, the inside of her thighs. Her pants were gone just like that. Elsa reared up, took a breast in her hand, then took it with her mouth. Anna arched, snaked a hand between their bodies, found her wet and hot. Elsa bucked, mewling as the sensations flooded her, and rolled. They landed on the carpet, Elsa barely registering the fall as she was too busy pulling off Anna's shorts and underwear. Anna shoved her over, shoved her open, and drove into her in one smooth thrust.

Elsa couldn't speak, she thought she squeaked, she didn't know. She clung to Anna, arms and legs, as each thrust made stars burst in her vision, made her blood sing. It had been so long, too long. She sobbed as Anna reached between them, rubbed her with knowing fingers. It was too intense, the sensations overlaying each other. Too intense, too fast, and _oh please don't stop_. Anna shifted, hit a spot deep inside her. And the orgasm slammed into her, tearing her up from the loins, rippling up from loins to her belly to her head to her limbs. Anna slammed into her, once, twice, throbbed mightily inside her, and collapsed.

For a moment all was perfect, Anna inside her, Anna in her arms, Anna's weight pinning her to the floor. Then she shifted off her, and the moment was gone. And what she had done washed over her, leaving Elsa cold with dread.

Without looking at her, Anna reached for her underwear and shorts. Defeated, Elsa curled into herself, closing her eyes tightly. She would not cry, not until Anna left, not until she was alone.

"You know, next time, if you ever want a quickie, just knock on my door. No need to lure me here under false pretense." Anna's voice was flat, emotionless. Elsa curled tighter in on herself, a full body compress against the misery fighting to set in. she felt Anna getting up, heard her footsteps crossing the room, and waited for the door to slam.

Instead there was a sigh, and the footsteps came back. There was the sound of pulling fabric, and Elsa opened her eyes. Anna was pulling the cover off the couch, and then she was kneeling beside her, wrapping it around her body, lifting her up onto the couch, into her lap.

 _When had she gotten so strong_?

"What is wrong with you? Are you ill?" Anna asked roughly, a hand on her forehead. There was worry in her eyes despite the tone of her voice, and Elsa had to shut hers against the gratitude, the love, the tenderness that welled up from deep inside. Wordlessly, she pressed her face into Anna's shoulder, completely giving in. if Anna pushed her away now, her heart would simply shatter.

Anna swore under her breath. "I can't believe this, after all you've done, you…" she cut herself off with a sigh. For a moment there was silence. Elsa just lay there, waiting for the axe to fall. She was so tired. She did not have the will to fight anything now.

Another sigh from Anna. "Gosh, Elsa. What do you want from me?" The question was soft, as were the fingers that started to thread carefully through her hair. When there had been burning heat and animalistic lust, here was tenderness, and the need to soothe. Elsa could feel it, feel it in the way Anna shifted so Elsa lay more comfortably against her, feel it in the way her arms tightened around her.

"Just sleep. You really do look terrible." Anna sounded defeated too, as though she was as tired as Elsa was, so tired that she was not fighting anything now either.

Elsa laid her head on Anna's heart, closed her eyes. And as she had needed, as she had longed for all those years she had left, Anna held her.


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for the delay. Been in and out of the hospital these few months. Anyway, here goes.

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**

Later that night, Anna came clean to her two best friends.

"You slept with her." Appalled, Merida leaned away from Anna and jabbed a finger. "Kristoff! Anna shagged Elsa!"

They were in the pub. And Anna supposed she should be grateful that the music was loud enough to drown Merida's loud voice.

"I kinda guessed it happened the moment we got home and saw one of her slippers outside of Elsa's closed door." Kristoff said drily. "You have such a way with words, Merida. Never fails to entertain me."

"Shut up, you two." Anna groaned.

"Tell her why that is a mistake." Merida ordered.

"It's none of my business." Kristoff said to Anna, "But if you want my opinion…"

"Which I don't." Anna interjected.

"I think it is your decision. Just be careful, because while sleeping with her seems to have resolved some of the tension between the two of you, something so physically intimate ties very much to your emotions, Anna."

"I'll remind you both again that I am a woman full grown." Anna pointed out, "I am fully capable of making my own decisions. And if I want to sleep with a beautiful, willing woman, what's there to it? And," she added a little wickedly, "I'm planning on doing it again."

"It's not just any woman, it's _Elsa_." Merida said furiously.

"Your point?"

"You know what? Go ahead. If she breaks your heart again, don't come running and expecting me to pick up the pieces."

"She won't break my heart this time." Anna said decidedly, "Because I won't let her have it. Not ever again. My heart is mine to keep this time."

They waited for Anna to take a bathroom break, before turning to each other. "How can she not see it?" Merida whispered furiously, "How can she not see that she's never had her heart back? She gave her heart to Elsa all those years ago and has never got it back."

In response Kristoff shoved his phone under her nose. "Just take a look before you say anything else." He said.

The picture on the screen was Elsa, holding Anna to her, eyes closed, cheek pressed against the top of a sleeping Anna's head, tear tracks on her cheeks.

"Took this picture without her noticing, the night you and Anna got boisterously drunk." Kristoff told her.

Merida was quiet for a moment, then slumped in her seat. "Shit, Kris. Just… shit." She said weakly.

"Maybe it's time to cut Elsa some slack, time to consider that there may be a reason for Elsa to have left so suddenly. Maybe all Hans had told us about her isn't the whole story." Kristoff said, "Maybe it's time to entertain the possibility that maybe, _maybe_ Elsa's still in love with Anna, too."

"It's the _maybe_ that hurts the most." Merida said miserably. "Either end it, or _be_ together. This _maybe_ is just going to cause more pain."

"Yeah. Tell me about it." Kristoff muttered.

"I just don't want Anna to be hurt again. She's such a great person, she didn't deserve any of that."

"I know you're worried about Anna, I am too. I just… you didn't see Elsa. She was miserable, Merida. She pulled strings so that she can be a teacher to be close to Anna. Remember how she was like speaking in public? She could barely stammer out a thank you speech when we surprised her on her seventeenth birthday, and there were barely ten of us. Just imagine what torture it will be for her to speak in front of all those students. She's trying. You can't deny that."

When Merida didn't say anything, Kristoff prompted. "She can really use a friend."

Merida looked that the picture on the screen. "I'm still thinking about punching her, though."

Kristoff rolled his eyes. "Don't go mellow on me now."

* * *

It was such a tedious thing to do, to postpone appointments, reschedule meetings, reshuffle the staff. The fact that his assistant had done the actual arrangements was mote. It was not easy for a successful man such as Hans Westergaard to take a few personal days off. But there was nothing else that could be done.

Elsa Arendelle had gone back to River's End. He _knew_ something was not right when he had tried to call her up in her office for five consecutive days and was barred by her maddening secretary. On the sixth day he had marched into her office, only to be told by the insufferable, smirking secretary that Elsa had taken a sabbatical from work. She even had the gall to inform Hans that Elsa did not wish to disclose her whereabouts.

Hans did not normally remember the names of employees, but he would remember this one. Mulan Fa would pay for her insolence. Right after he undid the damage Elsa's returning to River's End would probably do to his careful planning all these years.

He didn't need Mulan to tell him where Elsa had gone to. Where else would she go? Elsa had no one else in the vast city where he and she had both lived for so many years. Oh she had a few good friends from college; friends she made during the first year Hans had been unable to get away from River's End. But visiting those incorrigible _friends_ wouldn't require so many days' leave.

Elsa knew very few people whom Hans' didn't know. And Hans was more than fine with that. He encouraged it. She was too shy, too much of a recluse; and Hans had been happy to take her out, mingling only with the right people, the investors, businessmen and shareholders that would one day be of paramount importance to his upward climb in the business world.

Just to be safe, Hans would have to find a way to distance Elsa from those college friends of hers. No musicians or librarians or bakers or scientist-wannabes would be included in his circle of association. He would have to make sure Elsa got another secretary too, lest Mulan's insolence gave her ideas.

The long road back to River's End was dark and empty in the night, and the anger simmered in him. He had spent his whole life trying to get away from his roots, and now Elsa was forcing him to come back. That woman, he thought grimly not for the first time, was more trouble than she was worth. But he had invested too much time and effort to turn back now. Elsa Arendelle was his. She was made for him. Heiress to a company Hans was sure would need his expertise to run more efficiently; looks that would complement his own. The perfect timidity and submissive attitude that would enable his molding her into the woman perfect for him.

He had her right where he wanted her, and now he was baffled and angry that things had turned out this way. He had simultaneously and slowly trimmed away at Elsa's past and future ties, and could not figure out where he had gone wrong. Why would Elsa even want to return to a backwater town where everyone hated her? Oh they hated her; he had made sure they did. He had made sure she knew they did. But she had gone back anyway, and a little simmer of fear wove into the anger.

In River's End was the one tie to Elsa's past that was hardest to break, the biggest obstacle to Hans' happily-ever-after. He would have to remove that threat in all possible haste.

Hans pressed harder on the gas, speeding off in the night.

* * *

Once, in what seemed like a lifetime ago, dinner with the Andersons was the highlight of Elsa's life. Now the thought filled her with apprehension. Especially when she was told that the whole Anderson family would be there.

She didn't know if she was ready to face Anna again, so soon after their… encounter the other day. She had wakened alone. It was expected, she had told herself, even as her heart went cold when she had reached over and found the couch empty except for her.

At least there had been a note. _Have to go. Plans with Kristoff and Merida tonight. Sleep more. Eat the soup. Anna_

She found the huge bowl of soup, kept warm in her brand new oven. It was the most delicious thing she had tasted in goodness how long. Even as she sat eating at the table, she imagined Anna working in the kitchen, cutting up vegetables, stirring at the stove. She had slept through all that, and part of her mourned that she didn't get to see Anna doing something so… domestic. It would have been an image that blended in with most of her daydreams. Daydreams of a life with Anna, doing the most mundane, everyday things. Coming home to each other, cooking together, cuddling on the couch.

There was the soup. The blanket that was tugged over her. Her clothes folded in a neat stack on the coffee table. Anna was taking care of her. Anna had always taken care of her. It had been one of the reasons she had left. And now she was here, and she was letting Anna take care of her again. Had she not changed? Was she still the kind of person who liked to be tended to by other people, who liked the role of a helpless woman?

She hoped fervently she wasn't, not anymore.

Elsa followed her parents up the familiar porch steps, a part of her mind busily considering the merits of running away _now_ before the front door opened. Disgusted with herself, she made herself stand there stiffly when Kai threw the door wide open and met them with his signature warm grin.

"There you are! The Arendelles are here!" the last was shouted towards the interior of the house.

Elsa could hear Gerda's answering call from the kitchen. The Anderson home was always loud, loud and warm. Her own home was more quiet, her parents were more reserved, but just as warm. And Elsa's heart simply swelled as she stood there and watch her parents and Anna's parents hug each other. Then it was her turn, too. She laughed a little when Kai attempted to lift her off her feet to twirl her around again.

"Hello, Little Elsa!"

"Kai, put the poor girl down before you break your back, or hers. Elsa's not that little anymore." Gerda scolded, and pulled Elsa into a bone-crushing hug as soon as she was set down.

"Dinner's almost ready. I baked apple pie, the way you like it." Gerda patted her cheek happily.

"Thank you, Gerda."

Thundering footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Anna came racing down, followed closely by a brunette blur that launched off the bottom step and attached itself to Anna's back. Amidst bright laughter, Anna stumbled across the living room and fell on the couch, squashing her attacker into the cushions.

"Kids. We have guests." Gerda said mildly.

"They aren't guests, they're family." Anna grinned widely. The grin dimmed a little when she spotted Elsa standing behind her parents, and her moment of inattention gave the brunette the chance to dig merciless fingers into her sides. As Anna yelped and lurched forward, Elsa saw that the brunette Rapunzel.

As the two collapsed against each other in a giggling fit, Elsa could only stand there. The nerves of meeting Anna again was swept away in a wave of cold as she watched Anna and Rapunzel together, like Anna and Elsa had been with each other. Her heart pounded in her chest, and there was a ringing in her ears, a roar in her head.

Rapunzel pressed her cheek to Anna's, and the look she shot Elsa was challenging.

Dinner was delicious as always. Conversation rolled freely despite the tension between Elsa and Anna. Rapunzel sat beside Anna, and to Elsa it was as though she was going out of her way to cater to Anna's every need. Rapunzel passed Anna the salt before she asked for it, heaped helpings of Anna's favorite food on her plate, refilled her drink as soon as Anna's glass was empty.

Anna used to treat her like that, Elsa remembered. And she had done it the same way Rapunzel was doing now, subtly, so naturally that the act went unnoticed. And there was a beast in her chest that growled every time Rapunzel spoke to Anna, smiled at her, did something for her. _Mine_. _Mine!_ It was all she could do to stop herself form leaping up and dragging Anna back to her apartment with her.

Anna was not hers. When Elsa had started on the journey back home, she had been determined to win Anna back at whatever cost. She had refused to entertain the notion that maybe Anna had moved on, found someone else. The very thought had hurt so badly that Elsa refused to acknowledge it. And now reality was right before her eyes. The meal lost its favor. Elsa just wanted the evening to be over. She wanted to flee, curl up on her bed and shut out the fact that she had been so effectively replaced.

Anna studiously avoided looking at her. When circumstances and politeness demand that she address Elsa, she did with a fleeting look in Elsa's general direction.

The traditional post-dinner lounging in the living room was torture. At the first opportunity, Elsa used the excuse of needing the toilet to escape.

She knew the layout of the house as well as her own. Beyond the kitchen, through the backdoor was the porch, with a porch swing that could seat two. From there one could see the big tree in which Kai had built Anna's tree house. Tired, she sank down on the swing, leaning back and closing her eyes. The slow rocking calmed her a little, but brought back bittersweet memories of happier, more innocent times. They used to sit like this, on the swing, rocking and talk about anything and everything.

She made a pretty picture. Anna thought as she stood inside the screen door, watching Elsa rocking herself on the swing. Elsa's beauty was unparalleled. Slender of frame, delicate of feature, plus that shiny white-blond hair and those guileless blue eyes. the full, soft mouth. Those alluring little freckles marching across her nose.

Anna could go on forever about the beauty that was Elsa Arendelle, but that was not why she followed her. She opened the screen door, and saw Elsa's shoulders stiffening. There was a metaphoric giant elephant in the air between them, and Anna didn't know how to approach the topic, or even if she should.

"Hey. You alright?" she said down beside Elsa, praying that Rapunzel wouldn't come barging out and interrupt the moment.

Elsa hesitated, then nodded. "Just thinking."

She looked pensive, and a little sad. Anna wondered what brought that on. She didn't know how to face Elsa so soon after their… meeting, and she suspected Elsa felt the same. But why was she sad? And… hurt. So many years, and Anna could still read Elsa like a book, and it was pain she could see in those beautiful blue eyes. She frowned, thought hard. What had happened that had hurt Elsa?

It clicked with surprisingly ease. Anna wrinkled her nose. "Rapunzel is my sister." She said carefully, gauging Elsa's reaction out of the corner of her eye.

Elsa jerked her head toward her. "I… what?"

"Not biological, of course. My parents adopted her couple of years back. We're sisters, and that's all there is to it. We're the only family she has, and she's very protective of me. Give her some time, she's actually a very friendly girl." Anna slanted Elsa a look. "Did you think I would… that we would… do what we did if I were in a relationship with someone else?"

A hot blush covered Elsa's face and the older woman turned away, hands gripping each other in her lap in a most familiar way. "I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply… didn't mean…"

"It's alright." Anna said, gently, her heart stuttering at Elsa's reaction. The hurt in those blue eyes had vanished, and the relief that had replaced it was so apparent it was as if Elsa had shouted it out from the rooftops. With a deliberate breath, Anna calmed her heart rate. She would guard her emotions zealously this time. She had every intention of fulfilling her promise to Merida and Kristoff in the bar – she would not fall in love with Elsa again.

And yet here she was, hurrying to explain the truth about hers and Rapunzel's relationship as soon as Elsa turned on that hurt look. It was a knee-jerk reaction; Elsa was hurt, so fix it. Anna hoped that Elsa wouldn't get the wrong idea, thinking her haste to explain things was a sign that Anna wanted anything more between them.

There was silence again. The tension was back between them, one that could be slice through with a knife. Anna was being deliberately vague about the details surrounding Rapunzel's adoption, but Elsa figured it was not something she would willingly voice out, not when Elsa had literally just stumbled back into her life. It hurt a little, because Anna used to tell her everything, but Elsa knew she no longer deserved that trust. It would have to be earned again.

Anna looked beautiful in the dim light of the night, all silvery and glow-y. She was leaning against the side of the swing, legs swinging gently in the air. She had followed her outside, sat with her. The fact alone made Elsa's heart swell with tenderness and love. She had come after her, when Elsa had been sure she wouldn't. She kept expecting so little from Anna, yet hoping for so much more. And Anna's reaction was so much more than she had expected, yet so far less than what she had hoped for.

If the position had been reversed and if Anna were the one who left, how would Elsa have reacted?

The low neck of Anna's t-shirt exposed her collarbone, and Elsa experienced a sharp slice of lust. This brought to mind again what had happened the last time they met. She flushed, remembering the heated way they had devoured each other. She could still feel it inside her; how Anna had moved, how full she had felt.

"It wasn't my intention to lure you to my place with the music." She burst, looking away when Anna raised her head to look at her. "I… just wanted to play something, and the song just… came out." She had to be honest, be open; if she wanted Anna back, she had to expose herself, her feelings. "I was… thinking about you, and I wasn't thinking, if that makes sense. I didn't even realize what I was playing at first."

"You were thinking about me." Anna parroted expressionlessly, without emotion. Elsa's heart sank. _No one said this would be easy._

"I was." She said, "I always am." _Always has been, for every day of my life._

"That's a hell of a thing to tell me now." Anna said, getting up.

"No. Anna, please don't leave." Elsa reached out, grasped her hand. "I know whatever I say now, it'll be hard for you to stomach. But it's the truth. You're always on my mind."

Anna didn't pull her hand back, instead she left it passively in Elsa's grip. "I don't know what you want from me, Elsa. The sex was great, I'll admit…"

"Don't cheapen it." Elsa's voice was sharp, stemmed from the slice of pain at the thought that what had happened – no matter how unplanned- meant so little to Anna. "I'm not sorry that it happened, I'm sorry about the way it did, but I'm not sorry that it happened." _Are you sorry_? She wanted to ask, but her courage failed her.

Some of her fear must have shone through, and Anna's face softened a little. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"You didn't…"

"I did. I know it." Now Anna did pull her hand away, leaving some distance between them. "I was… rough. And you weren't… ready. I should have waited for you to get used to…" Anna stopped as emotion she couldn't decipher welled in her. Elsa was so beautiful, she could have _anyone_ , and from what they had heard from Hans, she was not lacking in companionship, male or female. Yet she had reacted with surprise and pain when Anna had shoved into her, her body going rigid with shock, and only relaxed when Anna had reached down to rub her where she was most sensitive. It reminded Anna of their first time together; which was ridiculous, because why would she behave like an inexperienced virgin when she was so popular?

And after that, she had laid her head on Anna's heart and went to sleep, tear stains on her face, curling in on herself like she wanted to protect herself from a vicious blow; and had only relaxed when Anna began running her fingers through those blond locks. Anna doubted that Elsa realized she had cried in her sleep.

All that tugged on her heartstrings, pulling her to coddle, to soothe, to hold. And she had sat there on the couch holding Elsa, even after the older woman had fallen into a deep sleep; she had to practically tear herself away. Holding Elsa – how had she dreamed about doing just that. She had so many emotions warring with each other; so many questions, and did not know how to ask. And now as she watched Elsa struggling to put her thoughts into words, something bubbled in her. A flicker of hope.

"Anna." Elsa heaved a deep breath, trying to gather her courage. "I… I really hope we can be… friends, again. I've… I've missed you." She flinched as her voice broke on the last part.

"Friends with benefits?" the words came unbidden, and they both froze, looking at each other. The blush travelled up Anna's neck, and for the first time, Elsa gave a small smile.

"Given the… circumstances, I don't think that will be… appropriate. But… I liked it." It was Elsa's turn to blush; and Anna wondered how it could be that Elsa looked so much more beautiful like that. "I would like to be so much more than just friends with you, I would like us to be back to the way we were… before." Honesty, honesty. Anna deserved that much. "But I think it's best if we remain just friends for now, and you can see if I'm worth a second chance from you. If that's… if that's okay with you." Her voice trembled; if Anna refused, she didn't know what she would do. But even as fear weaved through her, her resolve doubled. A young Anna had never given up on her, gifting her with apple pies and letters and songs alike, a single-minded determination to befriend Elsa. She would take a leaf out of young Anna's book. She would find a way somehow. Because Anna still cared.

Anna still cared. And hope blossomed. As Elsa gathered that hope close, held on to it with tenderness and care; Anna squashed hers mercilessly and shoved the remnants resolutely away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight**

It had been a heat of the moment kind of thing when she decided to be a teacher, and Elsa was reminded again just why she _never_ did things during the heat of the moment. She had bribed Principal Weselton with the promise of huge donations, she had called up the school board and cajoled, demanded, threatened. Now that she was starting the school year in a week's time, she was reminded that she knew nothing about being a high school teacher.

How could she, when she never had the proper training, and had never even set foot into a high school before?

English should be an easy language to teach, right? She only spoke it every single day. She had studied the mandatory literature. It shouldn't be too hard to convert what she knew into lesson plans, right?

She had no idea how to write lesson plans, and seriously considered running headfirst into the trunk of the tree nearest to the park bench she was currently sitting on.

It was a beautiful day. She had taken the time to walk down main street, looking with fondness at the familiar shops, and with interest at those not familiar. After checking through the window to see that Kristoff was at the counter, she had even gone into his café to grab a coffee and a cookie. The cookie was palm-sized, and now it sat snugly inside her stomach along with the éclair and fruit tart _and_ brownie she had been unable to resist buying as well.

People were taking advantage of the day as well. Families were picnicking out on the grass. Someone had started a ball game that had people of all ages and from different families joining. She was surprised that she knew some of them. Ivan McDonald was at the bat now, with young Ben Terry on second – who had been a ten-year-old when Elsa had left- and old Ben Terry – the boy's uncle - on third. In the field was Nick Wilde, who was instructing a couple of wide-eyed, ecstatic boys, no doubt on the finer points of being a fielder. Elsa watched as the ball connected with a wild swing of Ivan's arms, and people began shouting and laughing as the ball soared high with one of the boys tearing after it. It was flung back with almost savage brutality as Ivan rounded the bases and headed single-mindedly for home, where a burly Ralph was guarding the plate. The collision made Elsa look away.

"Safe!" called the umpire, and on cue shouts went up and people began arguing about the call. Children and dogs ran in to join the excitement.

She had missed this, she realized with a jolt. Missed the life in a small town. She sat and watched, her notes forgotten for the time being, as men, young and old alike, went nose-to-nose with each other with vows of retribution; and with some surprise found that the drama made her feel relaxed and slightly amused. There were changes in the town, yes; but the old community spirit was still the same.

"Having second thoughts about starting school next week, huh?" said a voice, and she looked up into a mane of fiery, bushy hair.

Then again, she reminded herself, this was also a part of life in a small town. You ran into people you didn't want to see all the time.

"Hi Merida." She said flatly, a little surprised that the other woman had greeted her with words, and not with a fist. The Merida she had known from before would have punched first, _and_ second and third, then only maybe would go around to the questions.

She was acutely aware that she was clad in a crumpled floral dress, with a wide-brimmed hat to ward off the sun – she loved the sun as any sane human being, but her skin burned too easily. Her hair was in a messy bun, and she was sans make-up as she had only wanted to be alone with her lesson-planning when she left her apartment for the park. The notebooks and papers and highlighters and color pencils were littering the rest of the bench.

Merida was in a simple t-shirt and jeans, and looked magnificent. There had been a period of time when she had tried to tame her wild mane of hair, but she had grown out of that phrase now, and those glorious curls tumbled everywhere. Her body was slender and firm from all the hiking, swimming, riding Elsa was sure she still loved.

Sven was with her, already sniffing with interest at the pencils on the bench. When Elsa reached out to retrieve them, he gave her fingers a wet lick, yapped, wagged his tail, and tried to clamber up her knees into her lap. That brought out the old yearning for a dog of her own. A wish that was sadly unfulfilled first because Adgar had been allergic to dogs, then because her apartment in the city did not allow pets.

"He's friendly." She said, scratching the pup under a furry chin and sending the pup into raptures.

"He's a poor judge of character." Merida said.

Elsa's head snapped up. "Look, if you're here to give me grief about what happened, do it and be quick. I will allow you the first slap or punch or whatever, because I think I deserve it. Anything after that and I'll be suing you for harassment and emotional distress."

"I'll keep that in mind." Merida retorted with a glare that met Elsa's own. Sven, oblivious to the tension, managed to pull himself into Elsa's lap, and licked the woman's chin happily. Elsa's eyes softened as she cuddled the pup to her, and she didn't notice that Merida's eyes had softened too.

"What's this?" Merida stooped, came back up with a piece of paper covered in tiny handwriting so neat that Merida wouldn't be surprised if it had been typewritten.

"Give that back!" with the pup in her lap, Elsa was hampered, and Merida easily skipped out of her reach as she leisurely began reading out loud.

" _Good morning everyone. My name is Miss Elsa Arendelle and I will be your English teacher for this year_ …" Merida gaped, scanned the rest of the text quickly, before looking up to see Elsa's flushed face. "This is your lesson plan? You _wrote_ out your entire lesson? What are you… are you planning on memorizing it and _reciting_ it entirely to your students? Did you do the same for the meetings you attended in that big company in the big city?"

"That's none of your business." Elsa said primly, but the blush was crimson and a dead giveaway.

"Your students will hate you. As will their parents. Why are you even a teacher when you obviously know nothing about being one?" Merida said bluntly. She remembered the shy teenage Elsa Arendelle, stammering through a greeting when their gang had surprised her with a birthday party. And here she was, the young Elsa superimposed onto this older Elsa. She was just as scared, just as insecure, only now she had learned to hide it better.

Merida hated it when Kristoff was right.

"You don't need this." She handed Elsa the paper, huffed out a breath. "Look, being a teacher isn't about getting your point across. It's about communication. You can't recite an entire lesson and that's it. You need to interact with your students. The first day is kinda important if you want to have a good impression on them. So instead of this…" she pointed to the paper, "you just relax. Begin the class by introducing yourself. You're just talking, conversing. Get the kids to talk back by asking them to introduce themselves. You'll know some of their families, so establish some connections by asking them how it's going with their families. And after that, since it's language you're teaching, ask them to use the remaining time to write a short essay on anything about themselves, to be handed in by the end of the class. So there's your first class with the time well-spent, and you get to know your students _and_ can gauge their command of the language from their writing. Now that doesn't sound too bad, does it?" Merida shrugged.

Elsa looked stunned. "That's… that's actually very helpful. Thank you." She hesitated. "Why are you doing this, Merida?"

"I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for your students."

Elsa peered curiously at her. "Whatever the case, I thank you, Merida."

Merida gave a short nod, and debated with herself. Subtlety was not her strong point, and she had been dying to know anyway. She looked closely at Elsa's face, and asked. "How's Eric?"

Elsa looked up at her, confused. "Eric?" she blinked, "How do you know Eric?"

"I don't. I know his girl, that's all." Merida said, still looking at Elsa closely. The other woman looked even more confused.

"You know Ariel? She never mentioned knowing you. They're both fine, on their honeymoon in Germany."

"I see." And Merida did see, quite clearly now. "And how's Adam? And Phillip?"

"Adam…? Belle's Adam? I don't… why are you asking about the men in my friends' lives? How did you even know them? And which Phillip did you mean? My friend Aurora's Phillip, or that big client my father's company is…" Elsa stopped, the comprehension trembling into her eyes as she stared at Merida. Merida watched as the emotions chased each other across her face; anger, sadness, hurt.

"Which one of them did Hans say is my boyfriend? Or was he being creative by saying I'm juggling all three of them at once?" she said tiredly, looking down instead at the puppy in her lap.

"Oh he didn't make it _that_ interesting. He needed to make it realistic, not interesting. So no, not all at once. Phillip was that guy who swept you off your feet within that same month you left River's End. Quite a romantic affair when he asked you out, with flowers and candlelight dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town, with life music playing in the background. He could afford it after all, being the heir to some fabulously rich guy. It was love at first sight, apparently."

"Apparently." Elsa said bitterly.

"Then you dumped him in your third year of college and took it up with Ariel, student assistant of your Human Resource class, which you were failing. But then you couldn't really make up your mind which team you wanna go after, so a year after getting together with Ariel – after you passed the subject, of course - you broke it off and took up Adam. Tall, muscular, star quarterback of your college football team, with that really fearsome nickname of The Beast, because of both his powers on the field, and his stamina and size in bed – oops, Hans was so sorry he let that bit of information slipped, especially when Anna had been in the room too. As of two years ago until now, it was supposed to be Rich Guy Eric, royalty or related to royalty – Hans wasn't sure which - whom you met in the gym down the street where you live." Merida crossed her arms. "You led quite a busy life, apparently."

"Apparently. Is this why everyone is so mad at me? Because I'm not just a coward, a terrible friend, a heartbreaker, but also a user of both man and woman alike?" Tears welled up, and Elsa rubbed them away angrily. She had thought she had no tears left; but knowing the hurt Anna must have gone through tore her up from the inside. "And Anna believed it. Believed that I replaced her so easily, just dismissed her and everything we had together the instance I left. Wasn't Hans Anna's friend? _Why_ did he hurt her like that?"

"You weren't here. And you left so suddenly, so sloppily. What else could she, or any of us, could have believed?" Merida said. "You replaced Anna, and you replaced us, too. Hans mentioned a bunch of new friends, and told us not to worry about you. We were angry, because you had new friends while you cut the rest of us off, and because you kept in touch with Hans, but not with any of us. We thought… we didn't know what to think."

"You thought I kept in touch with Hans because he was rich, and the son of the town mayor. He was more important than the rest of you. You thought I renounced you because I had nothing to gain from you." Elsa said.

Merida shook her head. "What else could we have thought? You weren't here to refute anything Hans said. We couldn't contact you. It was a logical explanation, and when Hans slowly pushed us toward that direction with his stories every time he came back for a visit, it became the only explanation. He manipulated us." The anger was boiling up into fury now. "He won't do it again. As for you, things would have been so much easier for everyone if you'd bothered to keep in touch." She eyed Elsa, balling her fist. "You said one punch. I've waited years for this. Are you ready to take it like a woman?"

Elsa swallowed the tears, faced the redhead defiantly, and simply came undone when the fist made contact with her cheek softly, a gentle nudge along her cheekbone. For a moment Merida held her gaze, then she sighed and used that fist to gently knuckle away a stray tear.

And now Merida sat down, pushed aside the stationery on the bench, and gathered Elsa up into a hug. "There now, lass. Don't cry anymore. I'm sorry."

"I was so stupid." Elsa pressed her face into Merida's shoulder, shutting her eyes tight against the tears. Hans betrayal had made angry tears well up; but Merida's one action made her want to bawl her eyes out. She didn't know how much she had missed Merida until now.

"You believed in him. So did we. So we learn from our mistakes. He won't like it the next time he comes back." In typical Merida fashion, she was already planning the amount of hurt to be dealt out. "We will start with itchy powder in his socks. Toothpaste in his Oreos. Laxatives in his tea. And then… acid, I believe, is the answer. We'll pour it over that face he's so proud of. See how he likes it."

Elsa gave a little laugh. "Oh, Merida. I've missed you."

"Aye, I know lass. Who won't miss me?" Merida bumped her head gently against Elsa's when Elsa chuckled weakly. "I've missed you, too."


End file.
